


Bond

by fanficula



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015), Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Ben's a softie, F/M, Force Bond (Star Wars), Jedi Rey, Kylo Ren Angst, Kylo Ren Has Issues, Kylo Ren Redemption, Kylo Ren and Rey Are Not Related, Missed Connections, POV Kylo Ren, POV Rey (Star Wars), Rey Needs A Hug, Star Wars: The Last Jedi Spoilers, Vignette, saberstaff FTW
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-10
Updated: 2018-06-01
Packaged: 2019-03-16 06:54:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 33
Words: 30,725
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13631004
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fanficula/pseuds/fanficula
Summary: Rey hates Kylo Ren.Kylo Ren hates Rey.Their Force bond has other ideas.





	1. Beam

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys! New at this so let me know what you think! Just letting y'all know that the chapters start out as super short vignettes and gradually increase into longer chapters with more plot. Lots of angst, sexual tension, more angst, etc. to come your way!
> 
> PS I update roughly every 2-3 days!

Rey looked out onto the landscape before her. Stalks of grain spanned for miles in front of her vision. As she grazed her callused hand along the tops of the waist-high plants, her palm tickled with the sensation.

Jakku certainly wasn't comparable with its dunes, hot sand, and rusty imperial weaponry strewn across the outlook, abandoned. Her team had stopped to refuel here before taking off on another one of their recognizance missions. Rey wouldn't tire of them as long as they brought her in contact with environments so unlike her native one.

She cut a path through the stalks and trailed her hands along the stems.  
——  
Looking out the porthole of the dreadnought, Kylo sulked at the work to be done to keep the First Order in line with his reign. Frowning at a blinking constellation, a sudden warm breeze hit his cheek. He turned around only to find himself in a small grove of trees on the edge of a plot of farmland. "Force," he cursed to himself, "not this again."

The transportation through the bond thoroughly riled him up for confrontation with the scavenger. However, the heat receeded in his cheeks when he saw her. Rey's back was facing him, but the glow of her force signature identified her as his victim. How did she not notice his unexpected appearance? She must have been distracted when the bond activated.

Leaning against the trunk of a mottled tree, Kylo relaxed his severe posture and quietly observed. Her incandescent grin was evident even from the where he stood as Rey looked up into the sun and closed her eyes in contentment. The beams radiating upon her lit up the strands of hair that had escaped from her severe hairstyle. Kylo's eyes softened from their usual glare, and something in him was convinced to save the fight for another day. When she didn't look so happy.

She could have been happy with him.

The hardened look returned to his eyes, and he stepped away from the scene, snapping a twig in the process, and disappeared altogether.  
——  
A quick, sharp sound took Rey out of her trance. Her head immediately snapped toward the source of the noise, immediately grabbing her staff from the soil where she left it.  
Crouching low, she made her way through the grain towards the edge of the wood.

After scouring the area, Rey's eyes could find no sign a person or creature had previously been there. As she turned to head back to the ship, she noticed a large pair of footprints stamped into the dewy grass beside a gnarled tree.

She looked up to the sky once more and huffed in indignation. Him. Again.


	2. Brush

He was sleeping, she noticed with a jump.

Rey had been in a deep meditation in her quarters of the ship. However, as she looked at his prone form, she knew she was sitting on the floor of Kylo Ren's room, most likely on a dreadnought.

He was facing away from her on his standard-issue bunk. Careful not to make any movements, Rey warily stared towards her bond-mate. What if he had heard the bond activate, and, pretending to sleep, he was lying in wait to spring a trap? Although with some concentration, she was able to detect slight snores and a hazy aura in his force signature, letting her know he was truly asleep. Rey gazed at Kylo, pondering what her next actions would be. How could she take advantage of this situation?

His long, raven hair tumbled onto his pillow, and his hand was twitching as if his dreams were uncomfortable. Looking at him like this, vulnerable and deep in sleep, Rey realized how badly she wanted peace for him. He had long suffered under Snoke; even his sleepy restlessness had indicated that.

She couldn't hurt him.

At least not right now.

Not like this.

Rey soundlessly stood up from her sitting position, padded over to Kylo's sleeping form, and looked down to see his face. Guilt punched her in the gut as she once again saw the deep, uneven scar that trailed its way down his face.

She had done that.

With a swirl of emotion churning in her soul, she slowly extended a small hand towards his. The tips of Rey's fingers lightly brushed over his knuckles before he stirred and she left the bond without a trace.  
——  
Kylo jolted awake to find the skin of his hand burning as if by a phantom fire.

Scavenger.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think! All critiques are welcome!


	3. Burn

After a grueling day of training and snarling at a more and more petulant General Hux, Kylo Ren was done. He needed all he could get of his oft-fitful and nightmare-filled sleep.

Shirking off his cowl and boots, he fell onto the bed simmering with annoyance and was too tired to dress for sleep. His callused hands rubbed his face wearily and pushed back the black strands of hair covering his eyes. He traced his fingers along the scar etched on his face.

Rey.

With a huff he extinguished the lights in the room with a casual wave of the hand, and he turned over onto his side. Kylo's dark eyes fluttered closed as he tried to push aside the worries of the day to fall into a deep sleep.

Hours later, he woke up. Drowsily turning over to find a more comfortable position, he clumsily shifted in the bunk and brushed against something warm.

How did someone enter his quarters when they were guarded so heavily? Was he in the middle of an assassination attempt of him, the Supreme Leader?

Rage gathering around him like a storm, he quickly willed his lightsaber to his hand. With a crackle, it's red beams were activated, ready for death.  
——  
Rey woke with a start.

Her eyes flew open to find Kylo's, wide with confusion. Their faces were lit by a bright crimson light, she sleepily noted. Until she realized this was Kylo.

And his lightsaber.

Force.

Reaching for her staff across the room, it flew into her hand, but Rey did not strike. She was going to see how this played out.

Kylo was the first to speak.

"What are you doing here," he bit out, not trying to conceal his pure ire.

"You know I have no idea how to answer that. I can barely control it and certainly not in my sleep," she scowled, tightening her grip on her staff.

Kylo pushed the lightsaber closer to her face in a threat. Every inch of his scarred face was illuminated in a fiery glow including his mouth as he spoke the words:

"Get. Out. Scavenger."

"And just when I thought we were getting along," she retorted sarcastically.

Brow furrowing in concentration, she melted away, back into her side of the galaxy.

Kylo's saber clicked off as he tried to deal with the warring anger and another feeling he couldn't place in the pit of his stomach.  
——  
Rey rolled off the bunk, gasping back into her quarters on the ship. Her heart was beating too fast to justify solely shock. There was something else there.

Shrugging her blanket back around her body, she forced his burning, searing gaze out of her thoughts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think!


	4. Breath

Rey had been cooped up for too many days in this god-forsaken ship. She didn't care where they were off to; she just wanted her feet on the solid ground of a planet.

Any planet.

At first she had wandered around the ship asking for tasks to perform. When she had run out of chores, she attempted to tinker with her broken lightsaber, hoping in vain she could fix it. As she probed a couple frayed wires in the hilt, Rey remembered how her saber came to be like this.

Him.

Rage boiled up within her, unchecked as she ignored her former master's advice to soothe her emotions. Her knuckles turned a bright white as she gripped the piece of her saber harder and harder. Realizing she could damage it even further, she dropped her saber and forced her staff into her hand so violently it slapped her palm.

Then she disappeared from her quarters.

And appeared a distance away from Kylo Ren. He seemed to be so distracted by the meeting he was holding that he didn't notice her arrival. Surrounded by generals and admirals, he was barking orders with a grim efficiency. Kylo's eyes were icy as he eyed everyone in the room.

Rey's anger became a storm as she concentrated hard enough to disappear from her current perch only to reappear directly in front of him. Still clutching her staff, she immediately used all of her strength to swing it around and strike the butt of her weapon into the Supreme Leader's abdomen. Rey stuck around just long enough to see his breath leave his lungs and his eyes widen with recognition. Before he could recover, speak, or act, she had returned to her piece of the galaxy.  
——  
Kylo's lungs were empty. The desperate gasps of air were all he could muster as he doubled over in surprise and pain.

The meeting had stopped. Raised eyebrows and confused looks were shot at him from all sides of the table. Hux's expression was of pure delight.

They hadn't seen her.

She had just appeared in the bond, hit him, then disappeared. His pain subsided, replaced by white hot anger. Straightening himself up, he plastered a sneer on his face and announced his departure from the meeting.

As he was stalking towards the exit, Hux's voice piped up, coated in satisfaction. Without listening to a word, Kylo gripped the general's head with the Force and slammed it forward on to the table. With a swish of his cloak he was gone down the hallway, creating chaos and mangling droids in his wake.

She would pay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to petty Rey! Let me know what you think!


	5. Badge

Why wasn't he here yet?

Rey had been sitting in her bunk for days. After her fit of rage through the bond, she came back and realized the repercussions that would follow her violent moment of weakness. Confining herself to her quarters so she couldn't be ambushed by Kylo while on the midst of others, she had gotten little sleep. Her red-rimmed eyes and dark circles were her badge of honor. Like hell Rey was going to let him surprise her while sleeping.

No. She would be awake for this confrontation.

Why did she do this?

Master Luke had told her not to act on her emotional impulses, yet she had travelled through the Force bond and wounded the Supreme Leader of the First Order, who was notoriously terrible at keeping his temper in check.

Yet...why hadn't he appeared yet?

Maybe he wanted to torture her by waiting longer and therefore preventing her from gaining any sufficient rest.

"Probably true," she mumbled to herself.

Thinking back on that moment, she regretted it. Was she no better than Kylo Ren for acting on a whim of rage? She remembered the surprise in his troubled, dark brown eyes as the butt of her trusty staff had punched into his stomach. She hadn't done it to truly maim him, she guessed she had just been trying to send a threatening message.

Rey knew there was good in him; she had seen it when their fingers had touched in Ach-To. Goosebumps dotted down her arms as she remembered the brief feel of his hand on hers and the visions that came with it. With a shake of her head, she rid her head of her conflicting feelings. Aimlessly rubbing her eyes, she picked at some loose threads on her arm wraps.

With a crack, he was there.

Lightsaber blazing.

Rey immediately jumped into action and grabbed her staff. Staring at each other across the room, she could tell by the deep circles under Kylo's eyes that he hadn't been getting much sleep either. Had he feared she would surprise attack him again? However sleepy his face betrayed him to be, his eyes were on fire.

"How dare you, Jedi," Kylo practically growled, taking a menacing step forward. His lips were pressed into a thin line of ire as his eyes bored holes in her head.

Gripping her staff a bit tighter, Rey lifted her chin in defiance.

"Couldn't let the Supreme Leader go long without knowing his enemy has an eye on him," she smirked.

With a rage-filled yell he swung his sparking, red lightsaber in an efficient arc at her torso.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think!


	6. Belong

Twisting her body at an acute angle, Rey managed to avoid being slashed in two. She retaliated with a swipe to his legs with her staff, which he was able to block.

Kylo was tired of wasting time. Mustering all of his strength, he used he Force to pin her to the wall behind her.

"Let me go, you coward," she spat.

Kylo strode forward decreasing the space between them. Rey was so close that her struggling breaths were making strands of his dark hair drift as if in a violent breeze. Looking down on her small, muscular frame squirming against an invisible grip, his mouth contorted into a grim frown.

"I offered you the entire galaxy, and you repay me by ambushing and attacking me?"

Rey's eyes were avoiding his, so Kylo jerked her chin up at him with a gloved hand. Finally looking into his eyes, she took a deep breath.  
——  
She couldn't lie to him. As much as he grated her nerves, Rey couldn't do it.

"You know why I didn't accept you. The dark is not my place, nor yours, Ben."

His stone-hard eyes seemed to blur around the edges as she uttered the long forgotten name.

She continued warily, "You belong in the light. For you to reject me, to resist me, it made me angry. It made me lash out. That is not the Jedi way."

It was the closest Rey's stubborn heart could get to an apology.

The Force holding her wavered in response, but not enough to set her free. Kylo's eyes darkened again.

"You're wrong. This is where I belong. I am Supreme Leader of the First Order. I don't need anyone to tell me where to belong, especially you, scavenger," he growled, lacing his voice with menace.

He turned his back to her and paced in short, angry steps. Kylo seemed almost like a child throwing a temper tantrum, she thought with a surprising giggle rising to her throat.

Whipping around at the sound of her laugh, his face turned murderous. In seconds he was inches from her face. Rey could feel his breath on her cheeks as his eyes seared into hers. His dark hair was in careless tangles around his face. Lifting her chin in defiance of the imposing man in front of her, she calmly spoke.

"You won't hurt me."

Kylo blinked in surprise at the meaning of her words. The confidence with which she spoke them.

Then he was gone.

Rey fell to her knees as the Force keeping her to the wall suddenly disappeared. She let her hands fall limply to the floor as she took a few deep breaths.

The memory of his face right before he left her was imprinted on her brain. His features had been contorted with confusion, boiling anger, and something else: realization.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A bit more actual interaction besides popping in and out of scenes! Let me know what you think!


	7. Blaze

Rey had a vague confidence Kylo wouldn't appear again so soon after their confrontation. She was finally able to sleep that night. It wasn't peaceful, and nightmares pervaded her dreams, but she was grateful she was even able to close her eyes without wariness. The scavenger rose the next morning and padded over to the sink, splashing cold water onto her skin.

Last night was real.

Well, as real as it could be through a Force bond.

Audibly sighing, Rey plopped back down on her bunk, burying her face in her hands. She ran through the night's events in her mind: Force pinning her body against the wall, his self-righteous anger, how small the space had been between them.

Mentally reprimanding her thoughts for straying, Rey focused on what she knew. Kylo Ren used to be Jedi-in-training, Ben Solo. Master Luke had, in a sense, betrayed him. His nephew. Rey understood those parts. She felt pity for him rise in her gut.

However what she did not truly understand was how he had strayed so far from that padawan long ago. Snoke had been controlling Kylo; that was true. He had killed his own father, her friend. But now that Snoke was dead, why wasn't Kylo here?

With the Resistance?

With her?

Shaking her head with mental exhaustion, she brushed loose strands of mousy brown hair from her eyes and pulled on her boots. She needed a distraction. Maybe part of the Falcon needed fine-tuning.

Anything would be better than dwelling on the death of her master or the failed redemption of Ben Solo.  
——  
Kylo's lightsaber clattered to the floor. He thanked the Force he had somehow turned it off during their...interaction.

"You won't hurt me."

The words repeated themselves in a continuous loop around the outskirts of his mind. Would he really not hurt her? After all, she was a Jedi—his sworn enemy. She had also rejected him in his most vulnerable moment.

Rey.

Kylo hadn't really put much thought into the offer he had given her in Snoke's throne room, surrounded by the falling blaze of debris from their allied battle. It had just felt so good to be with someone who fought alongside him, not against him. Someone who trusted him, not doubted him. Someone who cared about him, not hated him. Or so he thought. On those feelings alone, he had done what had come so naturally to him: reach out to her. In the nights after her rejection, Kylo had tossed and turned with anger and frustration. And maybe even hurt. He didn't want to be alone again.

But this is how it was meant to be.

He had appeared to Rey rife with contempt; the scavenger had ambushed him, and he wanted her to pay. Yet when Kylo stepped toward her he couldn't do it.

Couldn't hurt the only person who had put their hopes on him in years.

"You won't hurt me."

She knew it too. Kylo ripped his boots off and threw them against the wall with a frustrated yell; although it didn't expel the words from his head.

Or the person who spoke them.


	8. Burden

Rey wandered the corridors of the Millennium Falcon aimlessly, waiting to dock at the temporary base they had made at Naboo. She was surprised she hadn't worn her shoes down to the sole already with her pacing. She needed Leia.

The general would know what to do.

Their descent to the inner atmosphere was evident by the little dip in Rey's stomach. No matter how much flight experience she had gained, the nag persisted. It was a reassurance; she wasn't a scavenger on Jakku anymore.

With a yell from the pilot, the flight crew started preparing landing gear. Amidst the chaos of shuffling people, Rey felt a sense of calm. She would be reunited with Leia after a couple weeks of reconnaissance and would get the answers she was looking for about Kylo Ren.

Once they touched ground and the ramp was installed, she walked into the waiting throng of Resistance members with the general at their head. Rey smiled as she approached Leia. Her eyes were still full of grief—the loss of her husband had compounded with the loss of her twin brother and Rey's master, Luke. The princess-turned-general clasped Rey's hands in hers and met her expression with reassurance.

"Let's talk somewhere without the prying eyes of anyone like Threepio," she winked.

Rey was led by Leia over to one of the smaller structures in the area. The base had been set up crudely. For safety, they had settled in one of Naboo's more dense forests. Huts and structures made of cloth, wood, and various metals dotted the forest floor between thick tree trunks. The Resistance didn't have the funds to provide their fighters with much else besides the assurance that the consulate on Naboo was aware of their position and would conceal them if needed.

Stepping into the canvas tent, Rey became aware that these were Leia's quarters. Various books littered the desk in the corner, and a well-kept bunk was positioned next to it. Leading her to a pair of metal chairs by the desk, Leia eased herself into one of them. Rey could tell that she still hadn't fully recovered from the near-death experience during the siege a couple weeks before. Though a bit more frail, Leia dressed as usual. She wore a stiff, dark dress with her graying hair twisted into intricate patterns across her hairline. Shifting her face into a frown, Leia gazed at Rey.

"Now there must be something you need to tell me. Even I can sense that."

"Well," Rey hesitated looking towards the patch of ground under her feet, "I should have told you this earlier, but I didn't know how."

Leia nodded, encouraging her to continue. Taking a deep breath, it all came out at once.

"My mind is somehow connected to your...son's, and we have been able to, well, communicate multiple times over the past couple of months."

Brown eyes widening, Leia paused before she spoke.

"Can...he tell that you are here now?" she asked cautiously.

"No, the only thing that he can see is me. Just me," Rey whispered, still kicking around a patch of dirt and afraid to fully look Leia in the eye.

Moments passed between them, and it felt like a lifetime before General Leia spoke.

"This...connection. I'm glad you have it. There might still be some humanity left in him to save."

A weight lifted off of Rey's shoulders in that moment. Keeping quiet about their Force bond had been almost too much to bear. And now Leia knew. And didn't hate her for it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More Leia convo in next chapter! I miss Carrie Fisher.


	9. Blade

"But I can't save Kylo. I already tried that and failed, General," Rey frowned in disappointment. She hadn't been able to help him.

"You're right," Leia replied. Seeing the shock in the scavenger's eyes, she continued, "Only Kylo Ren save himself. Ben Solo is there, but he has to want it. What you can do through your bond is to remind him of his humanity. To show him compassion."

"A-are you sure this is something that I can even do?"

"Yes," Leia smiled softly, "the Force connected you two for a reason. While mine and Han's failings are...evident, there is still a chance for him to realize he is not alone; he has you."

Rey's heart skipped a beat at those last words. Did Leia sense those feelings shoved deep into a corner of her mind? Of something other than hatred, and maybe even the opposite?

Pushing away her questions, she only hesitantly replied, "I feel the good in him. I will try, General."

Hours later after securing her own bunk for the night, Rey pulled the blanket over her shivering body. She curled into a ball, contemplating the redemption of Kylo Ren. Could she really be the one to help? Leia was right, it wasn't Rey's job to save him; it was to be of his own doing. But her role in helping him? That sounded almost as impossible. She remembered the way his face had changed when she told him that he wouldn't hurt her. Kylo's eyes had softened, become brighter, even.

Rey closed her eyes and pulled the blanket tighter around her. Hardening her resolve, she mentally promised herself and Leia that she would do all she could to encourage him. She had seen that light side of him, however fleeting it might have been. It was fighting for space in that tortured heart of his. It didn't erase what he had done to people, to the galaxy. But it didn't mean he still couldn't be redeemed.

——

The next day, Rey dressed and headed out to meet up with General Leia and Poe. Spotting her chatting to the pilot while he tinkered with a beat up X-wing, the scavenger ran up to greet them. 

"Hey there, Jedi! I figured maybe we could work on fixing your lightsaber today," Poe offered with a cocky smile.

"But its bro-"

"I feel like with some fresh new eyes and all the tools at our disposal, we have a chance of making it good as new. Or maybe...good enough?" Poe gave a small laugh.

Rey smiled at her new friend's confidence, "Sure, why not? It couldn't hurt to try again."

Minutes later she had retrieved the saber pieces from her bunk as Poe set tools in large piles around him on the ground. What he lacked in experience with lightsabers was made up for in vast technical knowledge and an enthusiasm that even Rey was envious of. Together they examined the two pieces and fiddled with ways that it could be re-powered even with the crystals broken. After hours of propositions and hypotheses, the pilot had an idea.

"You know that staff you carry around with you?"

"Yeah," Rey answered curiously.

"Well what if we took the two pieces of crystal and made a saber...staff? A crystal at each end with a bit in the middle for you to hold."

Smiling at the thought of being able to use an even more lethal version of her handy weapon, Rey agreed to try. Taking apart a bit of her staff to wire the crystals in, the pair worked in quiet unison as they welded bits of metal, installed all necessary wiring, and placed the crystals end to end in the center. Finally, it was something that would maybe work.

Scared to try it out immediately, Rey excused herself to her tent, grabbing the weapon. Crossing her legs on the bunk, she sat with the maybe saber-staff in her dominant hand. She closed her eyes, cleared her mind, and concentrated on the force surrounding her and the lightsaber. Calling on every inch of power she had obtained since her training with Master Luke, she flicked the weapon on. White light and a crackling sound filled the small tent as she opened her eyes. It was real. It had worked. Although the crystals were not as stable as before the break had occurred, they still performed well as she twirled the staff in her grasp. The noise and inconsistency of her blade reminded Rey of Kylo's shifting red one. Had it been made the same way as hers?

Pushing the thoughts out of her mind, she ran out to show Poe the results of their labor. The pilot broke out into a grin upon seeing the beams of light coming from their hard work. Clapping her on the back, he nodded, "Well I'm glad to know it works, because its going to come in handy pretty soon."

"What?" Rey moved back a step in surprise.

"Did you not hear the general's plan?"

"No," she breathed.

"We're making a final stand against the First Order."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to my truly garbage attempt at explaining how a lightsaber is made! Any input for my trash is sorely needed.


	10. Broke

Sitting Rey down, Poe informed her that Leia must not have briefed her yet on the details of the impending confrontation. In a couple weeks time they would be flying to Vrogas Vas. It was a lifeless, rocky planet that had once been the home of a Jedi temple and an old Rebel refueling base. The Resistance would move equipment into the base and start steeling it for any potential damage it could sustain from their enemies. Then they would send the signal alerting the First Order to their location. It was a risky plan, but many had by now received the Resistance's call for help and would contribute their volunteers and any supplies that could be smuggled out of their respective planets.

Rey's expression of anxiety was mirrored in Poe's face.

"This is the best chance we have at giving it all we got. We'll have a solid base to protect us as well as troops and supplies from all across the galaxy, Rey," the pilot promised. "I believe we can do this. We can take them down. End this."

Sighing at his wary confidence, Rey agreed to give any assistance the Resistance needed.

——

Hours later, she was re-boarding the Millennium Falcon. They would be collecting supplies from planets sympathetic to the Resistance. Poe assured her that it would help if she went just in case anything dangerous occurred that might require her force-sensitive abilities.

However the real reason Rey agreed to the journey was so that she would have a mission to distract her from thinking about how high the chances were that she would have to encounter Kylo Ren on the battlefield. How could she fight him when she just swore to General Leia to do the exact opposite? Would she even be able to hurt or even kill him if it was necessary? Thoughts sending violent shivers down her spine, she threw her pack into her old quarters on the Falcon.

Tomorrow.

She would think about it tomorrow.

For now, after helping reload the ship, she was exhausted. Mentally and physically. Dropping onto her bunk in a huff, she didn't even bother to chuck her shoes off as she easily drifted into a deep sleep.

——

It had been a long day of sitting in meetings. Kylo hadn't seen Rey in days, he thought to himself while unwrapping his cowl in his quarters. Maybe the force bond had somehow broken. He set his lightsaber down in the alcove by the door and turned around to head to the 'fresher. But he was no longer in his quarters anymore. Of course this had to happen right as he had been thinking about their bond. Great.

Tensing up and ready for confrontation, his eyes settled on Rey. Asleep on her bunk. Kylo relaxed his uptight posture, realizing he no longer had to brace himself for a fight. She was facing him, curled into a tight ball. He quietly padded closer to her sleeping form, stopping inches from her bunk. He was curious now. Curious to see what the scavenger looked like when she wasn't upset or angry with him. When she was peaceful. Muffling his movements, he squatted down to be level with her face. She was so small in that moment; not the imposing figure he had battled many times. Kylo's eyes scanned her face, taking in every inch. Studying every freckle that dotted her tan nose. Rey's dark eyelashes fluttered in her sleep as her deep breaths blew the wisps of hair around her face into little tornadoes.

Something in his heart broke at seeing her like this. So vulnerable. So reminiscent of when they had touched hands one night many moons ago. Kylo reached out a hand to brush a strand of brown hair from her face but paused mid-air. He had broken everything he touched. He was a monster. Undeserving of touching her for fear he would tarnish her light, her goodness.

Kylo inaudibly sighed and stretched back up to his full height. He noticed the small goosebumps scattered over her arms, and he did something that the Supreme Leader of the First Order would never do. Kylo Ren grabbed Rey's blanket and lightly draped it around the dreaming scavenger.

It was an act of Ben Solo.

As he turned away from the sleeping girl, he materialized into his own quarters feeling lightheaded and strange. He didn't hate it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think! LOL at me trying to plan a battle


	11. Between

Rey concentrated all of her focus on the crates suspended in front of her. Careful to avoid whacking the other crew members with supplies, she walked them slowly to the cargo hold of the Millennium Falcon. She could have done this work physically, which would have cost the crew less anxiety towards the precariously floating boxes of guns and tools, but Rey wanted to work on testing and strengthening her abilities today. Once in the cargo hold, she then tried to arrange the boxes neatly on top of one another. Focusing specifically on a crate of spare parts, the scavenger reached her hand out to help channel her power.

Her vision was suddenly obscured. By Kylo Ren. Rey lost all concentration, leaping backward in surprise as well as losing all concentration on the crates, which crashed to the ground sending the bits and bolts scattering all along the main passage of the ship. He was there. While she was in public. Kylo looked just as surprised as her; what looked like a training saber was hanging loosely at his side as he turned towards her with sweat dripping down his brow. Had he been sparring?

Remembering the bustling people walking up and down the exit ramp, Rey anxiously looked around at the faces bustling about her. No one had seen him. Making an excuse to the crew member grumblingly picking up pieces from the crate she had dropped, the Jedi hastily motioned to follow as she tried to subtly run-walk to her quarters. She didn't even check to see if Kylo had followed. It was to his own detriment if he didn't. Rey surged into her room with Kylo steps behind. She slammed the door closed and turned around to look at him.

"Are you alone?" she interrogated.

"Yes," the Sith said, staring her down.

Rey breathed a sigh of relief but countered sharply, "Did you do this on purpose? Are you trying to expose me to other members of the Resistance?"

Kylo shook his head, defending himself, "No, I was in the middle of training with a combat droid in my chambers when you just kind of...appeared."

He didn't seem as shocked as Rey was; she thought it mostly boiled down to the fact that she had been surrounded by people when the Force bond engaged, and he had been alone. Leia's voice floated into her head at that moment, reminding Rey of her task, her duty. Squaring her shoulders, she decided she might as well make the most of the current connection and talk to him. The Jedi cautiously looked over at him.

——

Kylo stood for a couple minutes observing her awkward silence. He suddenly remembered his training lightsaber and deactivated it. Her previously wild eyes during the beginning of their encounter had calmed into a more restrained but contemplative state. He shouldn't be here. Looking at her. He recalled how she had been able to concentrate hard enough in the past to disappear from their encounters. Kylo was sure that he would be able to do the same as well.

"I'm leaving," he spoke up from his side of the room, starting to gather bits of the Force around him.

"N-no," she blurted, "don't go yet. I, um, have some questions."

What? Kylo was so confused. Why was she telling him not to leave? Was she laying a trap for him? He scrutinized her face for any signs of deception, but the look in her bright eyes and the turn of her mouth showed only a nervous but genuine expression.

"Okay."

Apparently she was settling in for an actual conversation, because she sat down on the floor of her quarters and gestured for him to do the same. Kylo complied, awkwardly crossing his legs. They were sitting across from each other now. Only a foot between them. Why was he obeying her? Acquiescing to her request? His thoughts were ripped out of the forefront of his mind when she spoke.

"Um, so what is the extent of this bond? Do you know what it is? I thought Snoke had been behind it. When he died, wouldn't it have disappeared?" Rey spouted out, her hand palming the back of her neck sheepishly.

Considering her questions for a minute, Kylo gazed back at the scavenger. He wanted to be angry for having to sit here with his enemy; he wanted to want to leave. But when he looked at her face with burning questions written all over it, he couldn't summon the wrath that usually came so naturally to him. He wasn't quite sure why.

"I'm still not sure what this is," gesturing between them. "I read some old texts hoping to find information, but I didn't find anything useful. If the connection had truly originated with Snoke, I don't think we would be sitting here right now. He must have been trying to bait us into action by claiming that he had started this whole bond."

Rey looked into his eyes, "So this wasn't Snoke? This bond is...ours?"

Shivers coursed down Kylo Ren's spine at the mention of that foreign word. Ours.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Stay tuned for a continuation of their lil chat!


	12. Bare

Rey looked down, picking at her fingernails. What did this all mean? Would this connection be forever? Could it be intensified? Eliminated?

Instead she carefully asked, "Could we maybe test it? The bond, I mean."

Kylo Ren's dark eyes met hers, and a jolt of pure electricity coursed through her. How was he making her feel this way?

\----

"Yes," he replied. His curious nature couldn't help wanting to know everything about a subject. It had been that way since he was a child, eagerly gobbling up every bit of information his mother could give him on the planets she had visited.

"Okay. I'll focus on a memory in my mind, and you see how easily you can access it."

Readjusting his seated position a bit closer to hers, Kylo tried to find his center. It was difficult to do when their knees were almost touching and he could sense her warmth from inches away. However, he shook the thoughts from his head and focused in on her Force signature. Channeling his energy, he realized their minds were connected as if on a string. Like waves upon a shore, his consciousness was able to touch against hers. She seemed to be beckoning him in, inviting him. With a small push he was no longer with Rey in their quarters.

He was on Ach-To.

Rey was laughing.

Kylo looked over to see her lying in a patch of deep green grass and covered in Porgs. During one of her only relaxing moments on the island, she had nicked a small bag of seeds from one of the Caretakers and decided to indulge the little birds. However upon sitting down and reaching a hand into the small canvas bag, the Porgs descended on her food, knocking her backward onto the grass and spilling the little bits of food all over her. Now Kylo was observing the chaos that had erupted as an entire flock of birds had collected around and even on top of Rey as she giggled at the brush of their feathers and the nip of their beaks. What he was seeing was pure happiness. Bliss. She was completely distracted for a moment from the harsh world she had been sucked into. Then the scene blinked out.

Kylo opened his eyes to see Rey looking back at him. Her eyes were soft. She had let him see a moment of weakness and laid her mind bare. And he was caught off guard.

"Your turn."

What was he going to show her? He didn't have a memory like that. A happy one. He had always been tormented by the rift between his parents and the weight of his legacy during the day and in his dreams at night. He then reached into his mind for a neutral one. A boring First Order meeting from years ago, sure. Kylo wasn't going to show his vulnerability.

\----

Closing her eyes, Rey zeroed in on the man in front of her. The Supreme Leader. What memory was he going to give her? Shoving the question away, she focused on Kylo Ren's mind. For a couple minutes she was locked out. Like he didn't truly want her in. Gathering a bit more effort and punching her way through his feeble attempt at a barrier, she was able to gain access. Kylo was sitting at a long table with military professionals surrounding him on all sides. The general with the flaming red hair was speaking in a way that reminded her small children puffing their chests out to seem larger and more important. She could sense Kylo's ire from across the room, causing her in turn to become agitated.

Suddenly she heard shouting. Rey was no longer in the board room. The pale walls that now surrounded her seemed like a home. Huddled next to her was a small boy with a mop of black hair listening in on the verbal sparring match in the next room.

"Han, you can't just take him on your crazy fool's errands! He is a child," Rey detected General Leia's distinct voice from beyond the room.

"Well maybe if you were home at all I wouldn't have to take him with me! But no, your love for politics has taken over your concern for your own family," Han grumbled.

The child next to her, Ben Solo, had silent tears sliding down his cheeks as he sprinted off into another room. Rey followed, but found herself in a different memory entirely. She was in Supreme Leader Snoke's throne room again. Goosebumps appeared on her arms, apparently unaware that this was only a memory. Looking over to the dark throne, Rey saw Snoke looking down at his kneeling apprentice. Kylo Ren.

In a gravely voice, Snoke boomed, "My apprentice, blood of Vader, you have disappointed me again."

Before she could even blink, Kylo was thrust up into the air by an invisible hand. Immediately he started writhing in pain, as if electric shocks were shooting down his limbs. Screams erupted unbidden from his form as his airborne body jerked in a phantom wind. She couldn't take it anymore. Rey didn't want to see his pain, his torture. She collapsed onto the floor unseen and squeezed her eyes shut. When she opened them, her cheeks were damp from fresh tears.

Kylo Ren's face was hard as stone, and his eyes were on fire.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Memories! Flashbacks! Tears! Oh my!  
> Let me know what you think!


	13. Bright

He was yelling at Rey, but she couldn't truly understand what he was saying. His memories flashed in her mind as she settled her eyes to look upon his face, a pure raging sea. The light had blinked out of his now cold, brown eyes, and his mouth contorted into a sneer. But all she could see was the little boy sneaking a look at his arguing parents with such sadness in his eyes. Like his world was being torn apart. It had been extremely close to the look Kylo had given her when he had offered her everything. Himself. And she had rejected him. She could still remember the way his eyes flashed in hurt and disappointment as she told him she couldn't do it, couldn't join him. Then his last memory burst into her mind. His screams of anguish echoed in her head as she looked upon the Supreme Leader, the boy, in front of her.

Rey didn't really think. It was instinct. With a flick of her hand she had summoned one of his gloves to her. Kylo stopped mid-rant and looked down on his bare hand. His protection was gone; the physical barrier between him and everything he touched had been removed. She had to touch him, get to him somehow. To reach inside his soul and remind Ben Solo that he lived.

Her arm shot out across the short distance between the two enemies, and clasped his hand in hers. Kylo's bewildered eyes were wide as she threaded their fingers together. His hand was warm in hers, and the palm of her hand scraped against his lightsaber calluses. Her hand seemed so tiny, she noted, that his seemed to engulf hers.

\----

What was she doing? Why was this Jedi, this scavenger, touching his hand? The nerve. He had just been berating her for daring to intrude on his memories. How dare she.

Gazing across to her now, their hands intertwined, he felt her Force signature envelope his, calming only some of his nerves. The tears still hadn't dried on her face, and he could see that her eyelashes were clumping together from the moisture. How did she look so beautiful? He shouldn't feel this way, this pang in his heart when he looked at her. But with so much compassion and sadness in her eyes and her hand outstretched in his, he couldn't help but cave a little.

No. No. This can't happen.

Opening his mouth to object, Rey pushes her palm into his and they are sucked into a vision.

She's with him. Side by side in TIE fighters they soar through the air, gunning down their enemies. Rey's fighter is level with his, and he looks to his side to get a better glance at her through the cockpit of the ship. Although they are meters apart, Kylo can see the smile on her face. Her eyes are wildly mischievous. Clad in all black regalia, Rey winks as she meets his warm gaze. His heart flutters. He didn't think it could do that. Through the comms her voice is clear as day.

"I'm with you, always."

Grinning from ear to ear for what he feels like is the first time in a long time, he repeats back through the comms, "Always."

Zigzagging her sleek black ship in lazy patterns around his, Rey then signals toward him, and they shoot back down to the surface of a rocky planet to begin taking out more targets.

Then they were back. Clasping hands. His vision hadn't changed from that night when they first tentatively touched fingertips through their bond; it was the same glorious vision that sent a tingling heat throughout his body. Rey's eyes were soft and unguarded. The careful beginnings of a smile played on the corners of her mouth. This was so different from the fierce competitor and enemy that he had known for these months. She wasn't all edges; she was compassion, she was bright light.

"Ben," Rey hoarsely began. He flinched at the name. It had always sounded like a curse, a legacy he couldn't live up to. However coming from her, the name, his name, was a prayer. She continued, "I've seen it again. You're with me, fighting for the light together."

He didn't know how to tell her that she was wrong. He had already said it before, and it had made no difference to her. Rey's vision was incorrect; she would be with him in those TIE fighters flying over the sky above the smoke of battle. They would be in the Dark. Together.

Kylo needed to gather his thoughts, and this was not the place. Not when she was sitting there grasping his hand. Their fingers were still locked together, a sensation he never wanted to end. But he needed to focus. Think. Closing his eyes and pushing her hazel gaze from his thoughts, Kylo Ren returned to his quarters. Alone.

\----

Rey's hand was still stretched out in front of her, phantom fingers holding them in place. Kylo's dark leather glove was still gently gripped in her other hand. He was gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Angst Central TM


	14. Boy

Rey's quarters were as silent as a tomb except for the heavy breaths leaving her lungs. Her formerly suspended hand fell to the floor as she crumpled down into a heap. There was so much to process. So much sadness. But so much hope for the future. She had accidentally accessed his other memories, she hadn't tried to pry. But they had just called to her conscious and she couldn't look away.

The boy with the raven black curls, how had he managed to cope? Rey had always wanted a family, but seeing young Ben's turmoil at his parents' conflict broke her heart. She knew that it only had gotten worse from there. From what Leia had told her and Luke as well, Han and the general had become more and more strained as time went on, especially on the subject of Ben's abilities. Tears still streamed down Rey's face as she thought of the poor boy seared into her mind. His despair tore her in two.

Remembering still, the torture, not of Ben Solo, but of Kylo Ren sent her hairs up on end. Snoke had nurtured him, ever since he was a child. It was inescapable, especially in his adulthood. Especially in that memory. She could see the strain in Kylo's face as he had tried to unsuccessfully school his features while being tortured. His limbs shook in spasms as his screams started to pierce the air. The deadly quiet. Rey would never forget the look on Snoke's face as tears began to spring into Kylo's eyes. The Supreme Leader had just sat on his throne, not even needing to extend a hand out to increase the powerful grip on his apprentice's mind and body. A thin, grim smile played across his face as a laugh rumbled its way through his corpse-like, frail body. The sound had frozen the space around her like ice.

Pulling her mind back to reality, Rey found herself letting out quiet sobs into the grimy floor of the Millennium Falcon. Kylo Ren didn't deserve this.

Ben Solo didn't deserve this.

These thoughts in her mind hardened her resolve to help the man who, some corner of her mind screamed to her, was her enemy. With a blink, she silenced those negative thoughts and brought their shared vision to the forefront. They had touched hands. It had felt like the world around them had stilled and the Force ran bolts of electricity through their palms and into one another. Then the vision itself.

The night air around them was starting to thin from the smoke of battle. Rey and Kylo clambered their way onto the sandy ruins of a long-lost building. Easing herself into a seated position on the ledge, Rey let her feet dangle down off the side. In a puff of dust, Kylo was plopped down beside her. She could see the outline of his face against the light of the two moons in the midnight sky. His long nose jutted from his regal face as he tipped his face into the moonlight. She could glimpse a flash of his long, dark eyelashes as they were caught by a beam. Rey sighed with contentment. This was all she needed.

Her eyes on Kylo had caught his attention. Even sitting down, he was still taller than her, Rey noted as he gazed down to look upon her. Even in the darkness his eyes were bright with the hint of tears. He was so pure and open in that moment that it took her breath away. Kylo's hand found her's gripping the edge of the sandstone rock. He grazed his fingertips over her knuckles, eliciting a blush in her cheeks and tingles down her spine. He gripped her hand in his and brought it to his mouth, lips brushing over the smooth skin there.

Kylo whispered into her hand, "This is where I am meant to be. With you. With the Light."

Reliving this vision again brought warmth to Rey's damp, tear-stained cheeks. There was hope for him. He would return to her. He would return to his family. He would return to the Light. It was where he belonged. She wondered how Kylo could see the same vision and yet deny his eventual turn. That vision was so obviously portraying his future allegiance to the Light, why did he think that he had seen something different? How had he interpreted it so differently?

A sudden exhaustion wracked Rey's slender frame, and she realized what she really needed was rest. Reprieve from the emotions. Shaking, she stood to her feet and shuffled over to her waiting bunk. Shirking off her boots, she nestled into the bed, pulling up the meager threadbare sheets and blankets the Falcon could offer her. Rey curled her knees into her chest as she steadied her breathing from the experience she just had. The change she just had. She hoped that the sliver of Ben Solo still left had seen that vision. Learned from it. Gotten stronger.

As Rey's eyes fluttered closed, her mind latched on to the most soothing sensation her mind had to offer her. The delicate but calloused grip of Kylo's hand and the bare touch of his lips.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just Rey soaking in all the feels. Let me know whatcha think!


	15. Break

Kylo stared at his ungloved, bare hand. It was shaking. He could still feel the imprints of her fingers and the lingering warmth where they had disappeared. She had touched him. She hadn't been afraid. He gently lifted the hand to his face, pressing it to his lips. Wanting to transfer some of her warmth, light to him. His mouth tingled from the sensation. There was already a gaping hole tearing its way through his body in the absence of Rey. Letting out a breath he was not aware he was holding in, Kylo felt like bits and pieces of him had been torn away when he left; like he wasn't whole anymore.

Scavenger.

Why did Rey do this to him? This was all some sort of plot to turn him, he thought. She is using me to break me against the First Order. But then a voice in the back of his head whispered otherwise. Told him that if this had all been a scheme for her, she wouldn't have cried. She wouldn't have looked into his eyes with such sadness for his life.

Kylo's heart swirled with dual emotions. On one hand, he was burning with an anger that she had pitied him. He didn't need to be pitied, he was the Supreme Leader and had everything he had ever dreamed of. Except for her. On the other hand, there was a pin prick of something, he wasn't sure what. Maybe awe? Awe that Rey seemed like she had cared about him. That it had hurt her to see him in the depths of brokenness. She had no reason to feel any emotion but anger towards him; she had easily called him a monster in the past. But this moment that he had with her had seemed different.

She cared.

Kylo couldn't get her out of his head. His mind had unwittingly burned her image into his brain. Her hazel eyes bright with tears for him. The way they sparked in anger when they had fought each other in the past had moved him, but this was another kind of powerful. Little flecks of gold were emphasized by the moisture from her eyes, making his heart stop. Her constellation of freckles had been more prominent when he had seen her in the past. She must be cooped up somewhere. It shouldn't be like that. She should be free. In the sunlight.

He looked down to where his bare hand had dropped. Flexing his fingers he recalled how her hand had fit in his so perfectly, gentle under the palm that dwarfed hers. The spark of energy between them that had ignited when they had first touched in that hut on Ahch-To had intensified like a bolt through his system. They had been connected. Physically, but most importantly, with the Force. In that moment before he left her, their Force signatures had been so in tune with one another. They co-mingled, winding together and forming something new. There was no longer just her energy and his. It was one. It was theirs.

As he shook himself out of his trance, Kylo picked up his discarded training lightsaber and turned on the droid he had been sparring with. Maybe breaking a sweat would distract him. The flickering beam of the saber lit his pale face, illuminating the conflict in his expression. With every swing of his sword, the more her features became memorized in his mind. And the more light cracked through the patched up wall of darkness. Realizing this break, he threw himself into training even harder. Slashing at the now helpless droid, he repeated the things he knew to be true. Yelled them.

"I am the Supreme Leader."

"I killed my father."

"Darth Vader's blood runs through my veins."

"My mother will never forgive me."

"I am alone."

\----

She was floating. Or at least she was dreaming that she was floating. Without the confines of a ship, her body hung freely in space. Rey was weightless, nothing to burden her. Points of bright light were suspended around her. Stars, she realized. However, when she reached a small, curious hand out to touch one--

The stars winked out and she was plunged into darkness as the echo of a familiar male voice pounded through a once innocent dream. Tossing and turning in her bunk, Rey subconsciously flung the rough sheets from her body. Flinching at every booming word that it said as it repeated endlessly.

"I am the Supreme Leader."

"I killed my father."

"Darth Vader's blood runs through my veins."

"My mother will never forgive me."

"I am alone."

Rey woke up to the sound of her own strained voice. I am alone. I am alone. I am alone. The tears intermingled with the sweat from her restless sleep. Kylo. He still believed he was a monster.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A lil' Kylo point of view! He's angsty! He's confused! He's attracted? Let me know what you think!


	16. Bruise

Sweat dripped from Rey's brow and into her eyes. Blinking away the stinging salt, she threw even more of her energy in blocking the blows from Finn's training lightsaber. This wasn't his weapon of choice, but he had been roped into helping her adjust to fighting with her new double-ended weapon. They were back on Naboo at the temporary base for the day to meet with officials and unload all the cargo that had been donated to the cause.

After sitting through a couple meetings, Rey's pent-up energy was ready to burst. Her mind couldn't stop reeling from the strange moments she had the past night with Kylo. The events were bleeding into her current emotions, and during a more dull moment of the Resistance meeting, Rey quietly slipped out of the room. However, her departure had attracted the attention of Finn, who saw the conflicting emotions battle in her expression. He had followed her out to the hangar where she was sitting cross-legged on a cargo crate. She was trying to meditate. It wasn't working. Upon seeing Finn, she jumped up from her spot on the wooden box and challenged him to a sparring match.

Bringing them back to this moment.

With ferocious swipes, Rey countered every turn of the blade Finn wielded. She was careful not to hurt him, but to just parry her strokes with his.

He flashed through her mind. The brown eyes. The scar she gave him. His hand in hers.

The training saber suddenly made contact with her side, bringing her back to the current moment and the growing bruise at her hip. Rey looked over at Finn, who was plainly shocked he had gotten a hit in.

"Rey, you're off. What's wrong?"

Scared to tell the truth, she just muttered, "Nothing."

"Well, obviously not if I'm able to theoretically kill you, an actual Jedi. Just tell me what is the matter. We're friends, and we don't keep secrets from each other," Finn gave her an exasperated look. She knew he was covering his worry. She could sense it.

With a deep sigh, she resigned, "But if I tell you, you can't freak out, and you can't get mad at me."

"Promise."

Rey told him everything. About the connection. About the moment in the hut. About the throne room. About all the moments since then. The words just came tumbling out of her mouth, and part of her was relieved that she wouldn't be keeping anything from her best friend.

"What! Why! How! That evil man has gotten into your head, what if he has poisoned your mind and you don't even know it!" Finn sputtered.

"H-he wouldn't do that," she admitted softly, "not to me."

"Why wouldn't he? He killed his father! He is the Supreme Leader, Rey! I would know, I used to be in the goddamn First Order!" he threw his arms out, clearly frustrated by her lack of understanding.

"I don't know how to explain it, I just know! Deep down he cares. He is good. I know that he will not hurt me, and I know that he will turn. I've seen it."

Finn hung his head in resignation, "What if he's just making you think that? Tricking you into thinking he's good so you'll try to save him again, only for him to kill you! Or he could be trying to get into your mind to steal Resistance secrets! Rey, this is very bad."

"I understand where you're coming from, but I disagree. I've looked straight into his eyes, and I felt the honesty there. He is not deceiving me."

"I don't know what to say anymore. Or how to convince you otherwise. I feel like you need to go and have a good think on that."

With that, Finn set his saber down, turned on his heels, and strode out the door with a sigh. Trying not to let the tears fall, Rey caught her head in her hands. The tears came anyway, mixing with the sweat that still hadn't dried down on her cheeks. She got why Finn didn't understand her. Or want to understand her. She didn't understand it herself. Why was she defending Kylo? On paper, he was everything that she stood against. He was a monster. But Rey couldn't help but listen to the voice slowing growing louder in her head. Telling her that he was good. Could be good.

\----

Kylo let out a deep sigh, the kind that could only be had in a peaceful sleep. This was the best he had slept in weeks. And the dream. She was in front of him. Rey. They were feet apart, but she was looking up at him with her gleaming hazel eyes. Smiling. At him. Her expression was contagious, resulting in the corners of his mouth easing up in a grin as well. How long had it been since he had smiled? Years.

He extended an arm out to touch her. Reaching forward his hand ghosted across skin. It felt so real. Still locked in the dream he curled his arm around her, bringing her closer to him. Then his eyes flashed open. Taking in a breath through his nose, he smelled the scent of a shampoo that was not his, and hair brushed up against his cheeks that was definitely not his either. Kylo then realized his arm was draped over...a waist?

This was real. This was Rey. Sirens began flashing in his mind as he realized where he was. Kylo had to get out of there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lil' cliffhanger! Will Kylo be stupid or will Kylo be stupid? Find out next time on Keeping up with the Kardashians!  
> As always let me know what you think!


	17. Beat

Rey was still asleep somehow.

Kylo wondered how his appearance and touch had not alerted her to his presence, but he detected only a deep calmness from her Force signature. Her sleepy breaths punctured the silence as every bone in Kylo's body told him to get out of there. Now. But a little voice in him was whispering to savor this moment. To stay. Rey mumbled something in her sleep; something about a broken speeder. His heart beat an unsteady rhythm in his chest as she adjusted her sleeping position. His arm still around her waist, Rey shifted her wrist to grasp his hand in hers lightly. Her body relaxed into his and curled into his warmth. This must be a very deep sleep.

Kylo had to leave. This was already too much. His face was buried in soft tendrils of her hair. He could feel every one of her breaths reverberate against his chest. In his arms, she was so small. She was something he wanted to shield. Without thinking, his thumb began absentmindedly tracing small circles across the top of her hand. It felt natural. How? He had never done this before. She was a scavenger. A jedi. His enemy. Why was he doing this? It was as if his heart had acted of it's own volition. As if this was where he was meant to be. She just fit so perfectly. Every part of his body that touched her felt as though it was on fire.

Kylo had to leave. Usually his feelings had kept him away from people. From his mother. From his father. From Luke. He used anger as a buffer to keep those who cared for him away. They didn't truly care about him, did they? Maybe. But the scavenger. Rey. His anger couldn't keep her away. His emotions didn't repel her. No matter how angry he was, Rey could handle him and see through it. She was his equal and could match him shot for shot. Balancing each emotion with her own. Rey had seen everything that he was and was still able to see the good in him. Even after he had killed his fath--Han. Even after she found out Master Luke had abandoned him. Even after she had seen all of his turmoil. She was his weakness, but it could never be the other way around. She was so strong. She didn't need him. But in this moment with her hand intertwined with is, the faint possibility surfaced that she might feel the same about him. That she didn't just care about turning him. That she cared about him.

Kylo had to leave. She was intoxicating. The crook of his arm rested on her waist. The pad of his thumb tracing the contours of her hand. The curve of her body against his. The scent of her clouding his mind. No. He had to go. Gathering what few bits of willpower he had when around the scavenger, Kylo gently lifted up his hand to release her from his grip. However, Rey's hand deftly shot out in a vice-like grip to hold him there. Had she been awake, she would have seen his mouth curve into a smirk at her possessive action.

Kylo had to leave. Trying again, he gingerly pried his fingers out of her grasp. In every spot that he abandoned her touch, he felt a chill. An absence of something life-giving. Light. Her breaths were still undisturbed as he regretfully lifted the crook of his arm off of her body and back to his side. Turning away from her to will himself out of the Force bond and back across the galaxy, he felt her eyes flicker open at the movement. In a flash, Rey had whipped around to face the person--the man--in her bunk. Their eyes met in the darkness.

Kylo had to leave.

\----

Rey's eyes widened in confusion. Upon identifying the intruder in her bunk, her eyes narrowed, and it was not the first time she wished looks could kill. She opened her mouth, intent on shouting the most vulgar obscenities she had picked up from a life on Jakku. But before a syllable could be uttered, he vanished. Rey was left in her room alone. Why was she so angry? That he was had been there. But also that he had left her. Pushing away the thought, she tried to search her memory for any remnant of his presence.

In her dream, Rey had been sparring with Finn again. The fight went on and on until she could tell that he was furious. He was yelling. She couldn't hear what he was saying. It was muffled. But as his blows became more deadly, Rey shrunk away from him. After stepping back a few paces, she stopped dead in her tracks. There was a presence behind her. Glancing over her shoulder, she saw nothing but the empty space in the hangar. But Rey shot out a hand and latched on to the entity--the signature of something. It curled around her, shielding her from Finn's now useless blows to the space around her. Nothing could touch her. Harm her. She was surrounded by warmth, a protecting presence. When Rey gave into the comfort of her shield, Finn and the hangar disappeared. She was enveloped in a soothing blackness. She wanted to stay here forever. Wherever "here" was.

Suddenly the presence retreated, leaving her shivering. That was when she was plunged out of the world of dreams and into the realm of reality. Into him. Ben.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kylo likes to cuddle! Who'd have thought? Everyone, that's who. He's a softie.
> 
> Let me know your thoughts, etc.! And thank you for the wonderful comments and kudos, I really appreciate the love!


	18. Betray

Rey could still feel the ghost of Kylo's body against hers. His arm around her waist. His breath on her neck making her hyperaware of how close his lips had been to her skin. These thoughts sent violent shivers down her spine. Had he appeared on purpose? Had this been his intention? Or had he been dreaming just like she had? And had the same natural reaction: embrace the warmth--the shield?

She really had to reevaluate her priorities. Her instincts had been to care for him. More than she had thought herself capable of doing. Rey had been laying there, dreaming, completely unaware that she was in his arms. But feeling so safe. What did that say about her? Was she a monster too? Shame grew in the pit of her stomach as she realized what she had subconsciously been doing. Rey had feelings for him. Not fully there, not fully fleshed out. But the spark was there. Finn's words echoed in her mind as she reminded herself of who Kylo was. He had come to the dark side. He had killed his father. He essentially had killed their former master. Then why did she feel this way? He had done horrible things, yet here was her heart, aching for his touch. A voice in Rey's head reminded her that she should always see the good in people. That she had seen the good in him. It was still there. But it did not erase what he had done.

Jumping up to her feet, Rey began pacing. No, meditation would not solve this. She needed answers on his end. Her nerves were fraying thinking about Kylo's hand in hers and her body curled into his. She needed to figure out what happened so she could put a stop to her feelings. Once and for all. This was going to end here.

\----

Kylo's hair was still dripping from the cold shower. He had needed that. Now that his clothes were back on, he could distract himself until the day cycle began by scrolling through the texts on his holopad. So his mind would be nowhere near...her. However, after only minutes of browsing, he felt a shift in the air.

Then she was there. In front of him. It would never get old. Seeing her. Those wild hazel eyes blazing.

"B-Kylo," she corrected herself. This was new.

He didn't want her here. She had made him vulnerable. He wasn't supposed to be vulnerable; he was the Supreme Leader. Kylo needed whatever this was to end. However much it strained his heart.

"What are you doing here?" he bit out.

"Kylo I-I what just happened?" Rey countered.

"Nothing."

"It didn't seem like nothing when your arm was wrapped around me," she admitted harshly, shifting her hands onto her hips. Rey seemed poised for a fight. He would give it to her.

"You're weak. What you thought happened was a lie. You're naive imagination has fooled you. I woke up beside you and left. Nothing more. Your girlish feelings must have gotten in the way." Kylo ignored the small pang in his heart. It felt good to get anger out, even if he was lying.

"You're lying, Kylo. I can sense it. You have feelings too," Rey's voice was steady but strained.

He stepped closer toward her frame, decreasing their distance by mere inches. He needed to be rid of her.

"Ah, Jedi, that is where you are wrong. I have never cared for you. I cared for your power. To wield it as my own. That is why I made you that offer in the throne room," his words were carefully measured to hit her where it hurt the most. "So I could cast you aside, a husk. You were born a nobody, you are a nobody, and you will die a nobody. You will always be a filthy scavenger."

At those words, Rey stilled. Her eyes welled with bright tears that began making their way down her cheeks. Kylo stared at her, watching her gather her wits to speak. A voice blaring in the back of his head was telling him to stop. To apologize. To tell her he didn't mean any of it. He beat the voice down with the thought: I am the Supreme Leader. I am alone.

Rey finally met his glaring eyes.

"I-I," she forced out, "do not believe you."

Squeezing her eyes shut for concentration, the vision of Rey fizzled out in front of him. He was left alone in his quarters.

Kylo had done his job. He had successfully alienated himself again. Just like he always had. From his mother, his father, his former master. And now her. Rey. He had cut himself off from the only person who had cared about him in years. Would have ever cared about him. Typically this fueled his anger. Gave him strength. However, all Kylo felt in this moment was a deep sense of regret. A black hole had opened beneath him as he realized he had lost the only person he had cared about. Who could ever care for him.

"I am alone."

\--

There was no more Ben Solo. There was only Kylo Ren.

Rey repeated those words to herself over and over through the cascading tears. It didn't help. He was gone. She could not save him. She had failed. The voice in her head telling her that he was still good--still light--was diminished to little more than a whisper. There was no one to comfort her and relieve her of her disappointment as she curled into a ball on the edge of her bunk. He used to be her hope. But now there was only betrayal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys this is a sad chapter it has all the feels etc. But it won't be like this for long don't worry! Stick with it! And let me know your thoughts!


	19. Back

Minutes went by. Maybe hours. Rey didn't know anymore. It didn't matter.

Ben was gone, and it was all her fault. She had pushed him too hard, and he had turned his back on her. The worst part was that Rey felt like a part of herself had left. She could tell the bond was still intact. Nothing that drastic had happened. But the emotional connection had been left in tatters. Her heart was in shreds. Why did she let someone, especially her enemy, have this much control over her emotions? She had let her feelings dominate her actions, just like Master Luke had warned against. And look where it got her: a broken heart and a failed mission. Rey had let Leia down. She had promised that she would help show him his humanity and light. However, all she had done was push him to close her off for good. The things he had said, the things he had done, were they truly redeemable? His words echoed in her head, beating out any positive thoughts she might have had.

"You were born a nobody, you are a nobody, and you will die a nobody."

Rey had been abandoned before. She was so little and immediately had to be so strong. The daytime had temporarily kept her from sorry back then. Her nimble fingers and small, wiry frame helped her reach all the tech that would normally be inaccessible to a scavenger. The reason she excelled wasn't because of her love for looting ancient metal beasts like the AT-AT. It was because she had to eat. To drink. To survive. To one day get out of there. She had to do what was necessary. At night she would crawl into her hollowed-out hull of a home and close her eyes. The wind whipping streams of sand against the metal confines of the AT-AT helped drown out the sound of her sobs as she tried to block the idea of home out of her mind. That had been her life before today. Before Finn. Before the Resistance. Before Kylo Ren, who had abandoned her all over again.

Rey shot up from her position on the bunk at the sound of a knock on the door. Her limbs ached from staying in their tensed pose for so long. She swung her feet to the ground and slowly trod to the door.

"Who is it?" she half-whispered.

"It's me, Finn," a gruff voice admitted from behind the door.

Rey hesitantly slid open the latch and opened the door to see her friend standing in front of her. Her first real friend. He was wearing the worn leather jacket that she had first seen him in. Finn never seemed to take it off. Moving her eyes upwards to his face she detected a faint smile.

"Can we talk?" he offered.

She nodded wordlessly as she opened the door wider for him to enter. They walked over to her bunk and plopped down on the edge in unison. There was a pregnant pause in the air. Who was going to speak first? To mend the void between them?

The words rushed out of Rey in one breath, "Finn, I'm sorry."

His shock was evident. He stared her down, mouth agape.

"Rey, I was going to apologize to you, not the other way around. I should not have been so harsh to you yesterday, and I am sorry. I am just...very protective of you--"

"I can handle myself," she cut in.

"And I know that, but I just care about you and want to always make sure you are okay. And the other day you didn't seem okay."

"Finn, you were right. I should have known. He is a monster; he told me so himself. I thought that I could help him over to the light. That he was redeemable. For a time, I thought it was working. That I was reminding him of his humanity. But I realize that I was wrong, and that the chances of him turning to the light are slim. Abysmal. I have failed my mission."

Upon admitting all of her pent up guilt and sorrow, Rey collapsed into Finn's arms. She was strong, but right now she didn't have to be. She was allowed to feel weak, if only for a bit. Finn's hands rubbed circles on her back as he tucked her head under his chin. She could tell this is not what he expected from their conversation, but he was taking it in stride. Once he could tell the tears had subsided a bit, Finn put some space in between them by placing a hand on both of her shoulders and making a point to look her in the eye.

"Rey. I know you. Seeing the light in others is the thing I love most about you. You were not wrong to think there was light in him. Maybe there is. But it is not your job to be the light for him. If there is any good in him, which I doubt there is, it is his job to find it. You didn't half-ass this. You tried your hardest. And that is the most you could have done. Your mission hasn't failed. Your mission is to be a light in this galaxy. One that spreads and defeats the darkness like you did with Snoke. There is still work for you to do. The Resistance needs you. I need you."

Using the back of her hand to wipe away her tears, Rey straightened up on the bunk.

"You know what? You're right," she said as a tentative smile crept across her face.

\--

The throne room was in shambles. The throne itself had suffered the most damage. Gargantuan slashes carved through the thick black metal. Holes had been pierced in the arms of the chair. Thin wisps of smoke were trailing their way from gashes in the chair up into the arching ceiling. The only sound to be heard was the crackling of a crimson lightsaber planted haphazardly in the floor of the chamber. Its owner was leaning against his destruction, ashamed of the self-made carnage. His guilt made real.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rey gets a reality check! Kylo goes wild! What else is new!
> 
> Let me know what you think!
> 
> PS HAPPY VALENTINES DAY, my nuggets!:)


	20. Blue

Rey marched to the cockpit of the Millennium Falcon. No more sorrow. She would channel it into purpose. She throw herself into working for the Resistance, and, more importantly, for those she loved. Upon hearing her footsteps bouncing off the grimy metal of the ship, Poe swiveled around in his pilot's chair. He grinned up at her from behind this curly mess of dark hair.

"Whatcha doin', Miss Jedi?" he winked.

"Well seeing as we haven't taken off yet, and Chewie is staying on the temporary base to help the General with preparations, I figured I could be your copilot," Rey gave Poe no time to respond as she threw herself into the chair adjacent to his. The worn leather of the seats comforted her--reminded her of its former owner.

"So I see that was a rhetorical question," Poe chuckled.

"Yep. Now have you done the pre-flight checks?"

"Nope, I was about to do them, but now that you're here, I can pass it off to my trusty sidekick."

Rey mock-huffed and punched him lightly on the shoulder, "The sidekick is usually the lesser flyer, which would make that...you."

Poe shot her a playful glare, "Rude!"

Her laugh echoed against the metallic walls of the cockpit as she began scanning the controls and punching in the necessary data to get them off the ground. Laughter. Joy. It made her feel light again.

After take-off, the pair transitioned easily into effortless conversation. Trading different flight techniques, their banter matched that of a brother and sister. It was just soothing to be around him. Poe then keyed in the coordinates of the Resistance supplier's destination, and they were catapulted through space. Rey loved watching the lights streak around her and the colors play off the metal of the cockpit as the ship shot off into the unknown.

Hours later, they had arrived on an unfamiliar forest planet. The leafy, green treetops stretched high above the seemingly minuscule Millennium Falcon. Rey gasped audibly as she took in the forest at eye-level, where the trunks of the trees were as wide as her grubby home in the hollowed-out AT-AT. As eager as she was to help out the Resistance, Rey didn't enjoy the diplomatic part of missions. She stayed close to the Falcon and waited until the shipment of arms and other supplies had been brought to a closer distance.

Closing her eyes and centering her mind and body relative to the planet, Rey willed tendrils of the Force to link between her and the crates of ammunition. Once fully focused, she opened her eyes and lifted her hand to better concentrate the energy. Wobbly at first, the crates floated a few feet from the ground, slowly rising higher and higher over the heads of anyone who could be in danger of knocking their head. Rey guided the supplies up the ramp and into the sneakily hidden cargo holds of the Falcon. Turning her attention back to the rest of the crates piled on the forest floor, she saw a flash of purple. Hm. It had come from behind one of the boxes. Rey tread softly towards the movement until she reached the box, stretched onto the tips of her toes, and peeked over it.

A round face with piercing blue eyes peered back at her. It was a little girl. Her skin was a deep brown, and her pale blue hair was pinned in intricate braids on the crown of her head. The purple dress she was wearing was simple and long-sleeved.

"Hi," Rey smiled down at the girl.

"Hi," she peeped back.

This child seemed so tentative; she must have seen Rey lifting the crates and had been spooked.

"Would you like to see a cool trick?" the scavenger offered.

The little girl nodded and slowly made her way from behind the crate. With all the people buzzing around them, Rey thought it must be one of the Resistance ally's children. She plopped down on the ground, crossing her legs and motioning for the girl to join her.

"Okay so see this grass around us?"

Nod.

"I want you to grab as much of it as you can in your hands, and I'll do the same."

It was silent for a minute save for the rips of the grass from their roots in the earth. With fists full, she held them out to meet the girl's.

"Now open your hands palm up."

Mirroring Rey's actions, the girl did as she was told. The Jedi focused her energy on the small piles grass resting on their palms. Slowly, the grass lifted upwards, floating out of their hands and into the air, where they circled around the girls' heads. The child's eyes widened at the magic before her. Her blue eyes were bright with awe as Rey willed the blades of grass to weave intricate patterns through the air. They stayed like that for a minute. The girl, filled with wonderment. Rey, filled with bliss. She was able to bring joy to others. Light. Her mouth quirked up into a grin as she made the grass dance and the girl giggle with delight.

\--

Kylo had only popped over to order her to no longer voluntarily use the bond. It didn't really need to be said, since the day before had indicated she had never wanted to see him again. But a tug in his heart led him to act on impulse and see her for a second anyway. Even if she was angry.

However, when he appeared, he was in a forest. The crowd of people milling about and lugging boxes onto that wretched ship meant that Rey would have to act like she hadn't seen him. But it turned out he didn't need to worry about that. In a clearing next to some crates, Kylo spotted his--shit--the scavenger and a small girl facing one another. Blades of grass whirled around them as they laughed at the shapes Rey was forming. Her smile was so bright. She looked so happy without him. An unprompted tear slid down his scarred cheek as he turned away and disappeared back to his corner of the galaxy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rey being like a lil' magician! She would be such a good teacher/master! Plus a tiny bit of Kylo being a sadboi
> 
> Let me know what you think! Thank you for all the comments and and kudos, I really appreciate it!


	21. Board

Kylo lay in his bunk hours later. He was the Supreme Leader now, but he kept his same old quarters. He had no need for the grandeur of Snoke's former living space. Brushing the strands of raven hair from his face, he turned over onto his side and faced the wall. The scavenger wouldn't get out of his head. The way the little girl had smiled had lit up Rey's face. The imprint of her grin was burned into his brain. He had been trying to sleep for several hours and was unsuccessful. Sleep was out of his reach at this point.

Then he reached out, mentally searching the galaxy for a Force signature. Her Force signature. He closed his eyes as the minutes passed by, and he focused his energy on combing through the billions of people. But it was easier than he expected. It's like the bond they shared pulled him to Rey. He had found her. Or at least he had found her mind. He couldn't see her, and he was glad. The last time he had seen her he had broken down. The last time they had looked each other in the eye he had done something he would come to regret. He didn't want to take that chance again.

Rey's signature seemed dormant. She must be sleeping. It was a calm light against the darkness of the energy around her. It was beautiful. Why was he here? Did he not learn his lesson the first time? He didn't have time to answer those questions before he was sucked into a memory.

Beams of light cut through small bolt holes in the hull of a metal beast. Kylo looked around him, analyzing the panelling. He was inside an ancient, overturned AT-AT. Surrounding him were piles of wiring, dusty circuit boards, and other bits of machinery. Over in the corner was a girl sitting in a mass of patched up blankets. The three buns made her instantly recognizable. She couldn't have been older than ten years. Rey's face was scrunched with determination as she fiddled with an object in her hands. Kylo tentatively took steps forward to get a closer look. Her face had a smudge of grease on it, most likely from nicking parts from the graveyard of broken ships that was Jakku. Upon closer inspection, he could see that little Rey had fashioned a shard of metal into a needle and was putting the finishing touches on what looked to be a doll of some sort. She held up the cloth figure, scanning it surface for any loose threads. It was crudely fashioned, but as she lifted it in her hands, Kylo was able to discern the orange and white of a Rebellion pilot uniform. Just like his uncle's. Happy with her work, Rey positioned the doll in a small metal box. She stood up, taking her creation with her, and began waving it through the air. An X-wing. These were her toys. A soft smile broke out on Kylo's face as she ran around the perimeter of her makeshift home. The "pew pew" noises she made for her X-wing echoed and bounced off the thick metal walls. This was as happy as she would be on such a cruel planet.

Kylo opened his eyes to see the confines of his quarters on the Finalizer. He was back in reality. He took a couple deep breaths, steadying himself from the memory unknowingly offered to him by a sleeping Rey. She had always wanted to fly off that planet. He was overwhelmed by how difficult her life must have been. From such a small age, Rey had been forced to provide for herself. She had been alone. Kylo knew that no matter how alone he had felt, he had always had his family. They had not understood him, and he had spurned them for it, but in the end, he had still had family.

"You're nothing, but not to me."

He hadn't meant it that way. To hurt her. He had tried to express his need for her to be by his side but had let his residual anger from the clash with the Praetorian guards cloud his words. She was everything to him. The only person who fought by his side and supported him even when he had done horrible things. And then he had told her she was nothing. How could he ever make up for that. Kylo knew he couldn't. She was lost to him. Even in his sorrow, he wanted to know more. More about her. Sitting up in bed, he resolved to be active instead of tossing and turning in a sleepless, guilty haze. Kylo pulled on his tunic but left his cowl lying on the ground. He wouldn't need it where he was going.

He swiftly paced down the hallway, cloak swishing back and forth in his wake. The crew mulling about in the corridor wouldn't meet his eye. He was on a mission, and the look on his face told them as much. Reaching the main deck, Kylo came across Hux, who was snidely commenting on the askew nature of a lieutenant's uniform.

"Ah Hux, just who I wanted to see."

Looking up from the terrified crew member, Hux simpered, "What do you require, most Supreme Leader?"

"I need you to ready my ship. I will be leaving shortly," Kylo ordered.

"For what reason?"

"None of your business," he stated, swiveling towards the hangar with his cloak flaring into Hux's face. It might have been on purpose. The general's face went crimson as he seemed to bite down any insults directed towards his Supreme Leader. It was definitely on purpose.

By the time Kylo reached the hangar, a small ship had been prepared for him. Crew scuttled away as he promptly walked up the ramp and boarded his Upsilon-class command shuttle. He reclined in the pilot's chair, flipping on the controls and keying in coordinates. As Kylo exited the Finalizer in his ship, he felt a weight lifted off of him. Like the darkness of the First Order couldn't touch him. His own darkness was ever-present, however, no matter how hard he tried to shake it sometimes. Mainly around her.

Hours later he touched down on a familiar planet. Sand shifted under his heels.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kylo on a mission! Kylo being soft! Plot! Intrigue! Mystery! Love! General Hux!  
> Let me know what you think!:)


	22. Before

A harsh wind sent grains of sand whipping against Kylo's face, stinging his skin. He pulled his black cowl closer. Jakku. Such a cruel planet. He had landed some distance away from the market where Rey, the traitor stormtrooper, and the BB unit had been spotted those months ago. With every step he took towards the bustling collection of haggard tents, his boots sunk into the sand. What was it with his weakness for those from desert planets? His uncle and now the scavenger.

The dark color of his swirling cape contrasted with the people surrounding him as he entered the marketplace. Aliens of all different species were dressed in light clothing to not only help blend in with their surroundings if needed, but to also reflect the intense light radiating down on them. Tradespeople, scavengers, and customers alike stopped in their tracks upon seeing his presence. Their stares bore into him as he strode to the junk stall that loomed over all the other tents. An amorphous beige Crolute gazed at him with beady eyes behind the protective slats in the stall. All other customers backed away, letting Kylo march right up to the front of the line. Unkar Plutt was his name, he remembered. Some brief research on the holopad on his journey here had been necessary.

"What do you want," the junk boss growled. He didn't seem pleased that the First Order was interfering with his business today.

"A scavenger named Rey," Kylo stated, "did you know of her?"

"That scrap of a girl disappeared months ago. Good-for-nothing sand rat still owes a debt to me," the beige blob angrily reminisced.

Rage boiled up inside Kylo at the words. How dare he say that. He curled his hands into fists, an action that immediately took effect on the junk boss. Plutt's body stood rigid, flabby neck caving in on itself as though an invisible rope had tightened around it. Windpipe almost completely crushed, the Crelute took short, wet, raspy breaths.

"Where did she live," Kylo bit out, not attempting to conceal the ire in his voice.

Sputtering, the alien replied, "The Hellhound Two, a co-couple miles northeast from h-here."

Satisfied with the answer given to him, Kylo flung the junk boss against the wall of his stall with such force that, as he turned to walk away, he could sense the foundations shaking. The roof collapsed on Unkar Plutt with a sickening crunch. Not Kylo's problem anymore.

He needed to walk off his anger, and this was the perfect opportunity. The sun beat down on him as he trudged over the dunes of sand. The wind yanked at his cloak and intermittently twisted it around his legs, tripping him up. The anger propelled him forward. And something else. Curiosity? He didn't know anything about her past. Before him. Well, now he at least knew that her overlord deserved to be pushed into a garbage compactor. Kylo still yearned for more. More than the memory she had sent him across leagues and leagues of galaxy. He wanted to see it for himself. It didn't matter anymore if he shouldn't be curious. This was more than just opposition research. This Jedi, this woman--he cared to know about her. To know all of the bad and all of the good. Just like she knew about him.

Just over the horizon loomed a large AT-AT glinting in the stifling sunlight. This must be the Hellhound Two, he thought to himself. Minutes later, Kylo was treading lightly on shifting sands next to the large metal feet of the ancient vehicle. He approached the hatch to the machine, finding it sealed shut by an amalgam of rust, dirt, and sand. Without thinking, Kylo unsheathed his lightsaber, flicking it on. He gingerly guided the crackling red beam along the outskirts of the hatch, satisfied when the door finally gave way. His first step into the hull of the beast ushered in a gust of sandy wind with him. The air in the space was stale, and the light was hazy from the dust that had been sent into the air by the open door. Kylo propped the door back against the hatch, leaving a little room for the sun to seep in and illuminate his surroundings. As his eyes adjusted to the change, Kylo stood hunched in the middle of what must have been Rey's room. The low, curving ceiling of the AT-AT caused him to twist his head uncomfortably to the side, unable to stretch to his full height. This wouldn't have been a problem for her small, slender frame, he mused. His gaze snagged on a jumble of marks on the far wall. Striding across the small space, Kylo inspected the etchings. They were short marks. Tallies. There were hundreds of them.

Then it dawned him: Rey had etched a line for every day she had been stranded on this gods-forsaken planet.

Kylo instinctively tugged off his glove and lifted it up to graze his hand over the rough markings. Dust was nestled in the small divots from months of abandonment. Rey had been here. Rey had lived here. Most importantly, Rey had survived here. He could imagine her carving her tallies into the wall, yearning for her parents who would never come. Who had left her with a junk boss for some extra cash. Kylo pressed his forehead against the markings, wishing with all of his dark heart that he somehow could have helped her. Hot tears streaked their way down his cheeks, falling to the grime at his feet. She had been truly alone. However, she had survived. This thought pumped strength into his limbs as he pushed himself off of the wall to look around at the rest of the hovel.

A flash of orange caught his eye.

He made his way over to a stack of metal shelves, pushing bits of wires and a handful of screws aside to fully reveal a dusty but intact Rebellion pilot doll. The one from Rey's memory. Kylo ran his still-bare fingers over the rough stitches she had made. This doll had been her comfort. Had been her escape from the harsh reality of the scavenging life that lay before her. Turning it over in his gentle grip, Kylo made a decision. He tucked the pilot safely in his pocket and made his way out of the converted AT-AT. After one backwards glance back to her former home--to the life she had lived before him--Kylo tracked back to his shuttle.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In this chapter I just really wanted to show Kylo's not-so-secret-anymore admiration for Rey and what she had gone through. And also.....what's he gonna do next!!!!???
> 
> Let me know what you think! Thanks for the love!


	23. Buoy

Kylo breathed a sigh of relief as his feet hit the solid metal of the ramp to his shuttle. The desert wasn't his favorite environment, he decided. Making his way into the cockpit, he sealed the door shut behind him. The blackness of the ship encased him again, making him feel a bit more safe than he had been in the bright light. Even as he slumped into the pilot's chair, he noticed that the call to the darkness--the pull--wasn't as strong. As if seeing the resilience of Rey, the light that she emanated even in her harsh conditions, buoyed his heart above the deep well of fear, loneliness, and despair that had plagued him for his whole life. Kylo reached a gloved hand into his pocket, gingerly removing the tattered doll. A faint smile played across his lips, and he set it down, giving it a place on a smooth plane of metal next to the controls. 

He pushed his thoughts aside and focused on lifting up into the atmosphere. The lights of the controls flickered to life as he punched in coordinates and slowly took the ship up into the sky.

What was he doing with the doll? What did he think he was going to do, just march across the bond and hand the toy to her wrapped in a pretty bow? Did he think that a gesture like that would make up for all of the wrong in his life? Kylo sunk his head into his hands as the ship barreled towards the Finalizer. He would worry when he was back in his own quarters.

Hours later, Kylo paced the length of his room on the Finalizer. Should he just keep the doll? No, it felt wrong to keep something so intimate from her. He had to give it to her. If he had the guts. Anxiety roiled in his gut, twisting his thoughts into knots. He wrung his hands so violently that, without thinking, he had ripped a hole in the stitching of his gloves. Rey would think he was too weak. Too emotional. She couldn't possibly feel love towards him, and this gesture might just seem to her like he was digging up her past without her consent. What he would barely admit to the lightest part of himself was that he wanted to show her that he admired her bravery, that he marveled at her brilliance. That even in her deepest despair she had been a beacon.

Kylo sucked in a breath and sprung into action before he could change his mind. He closed his eyes and reached across the bond for her Force signature. The thread of their connection seemed pulled taut, leading him to her faster than any of his past attempts. Before he saw anything, he heard a heartbeat. Hers. A steady rhythm across the bond. Kylo tentatively opened his eyes.

Across the room from him, Rey slept soundly on her bunk. A standard-issue blanket was tangled around her legs and torso revealing a small stretch of pale waist. The bands holding her mousy brown hair in place had loosened, resulting in a section of hair draped over the right side of her face. Even from a couple feet away he could see strands of hair being blown upwards by her slight snores. Her dark lashes fluttered slightly, as if reacting to a dream. Taking all of her in was difficult. Overwhelming. Even as a completely sleepy mess, Rey had such a dramatic effect on him. Kylo's heart dropped out of his chest. He willed himself not to run across the small distance between them and take her sleeping form into his arms. She was light, she was radiant, she was beautiful even in the depths of slumber.

The doll in his hand felt heavy, reminding Kylo of his objective. As he padded across the room, he kept tabs on her Force signature, praying that she wouldn't wake. Rey being asleep made this easier. He wouldn't have to look into her eyes. Wouldn't have to show her the emotions on his face. He was afraid of what she would think. That she would turn him away, still disgusted by his actions. 

Kylo pressed on. Inches away, he crouched down and could see the light freckles that dotted her nose. Mentally steadying himself, Kylo lifted the doll up to the bunk, laying it down beside her small hand. The memory of the sensation of her hand flashed in his mind: the brush of skin, the electricity he had felt. He wanted to feel that way for the rest of his life. But he didn't deserve it. 

Stretching himself back to his full height, he looked down at the scavenger. Rey had cared about him. A swell of emotion hit him and instinct took over. He bent down, and his head hovered above hers as he pressed the faintest of kisses into her hair. Then he was gone.

\----

It had been a long day for Rey. She had thrown herself into last-minute work for the Resistance helping engineers fix and tweak equipment, sitting in on tactical meetings, and sparring with Finn. Exhausted, she tossed herself into her bed, shirking off her sweaty top. Too tired to remove the rest of her clothes and change, Rey's eyes fell shut and she was out.

In the middle of the night cycle, she sleepily shifted to her side, her hand hitting something lumpy in the process. Fear jolted through her. Was it Kylo? As her eyes opened and adjusted to the darkness around her she found he wasn't by her side. Rey tried to mask her own disappointment, but in her semi-conscious state it wasn't possible. She reached out for the small object, and brought it closer. 

Her Rebel pilot.

Rey's mouth gaped open. She shot up in her bunk, inspecting the doll to verify that it was truly hers. Running her fingers over the rough stitching and material, tears welled in her eyes that threatened to run out onto her cheeks unbidden. This doll. This symbol that had represented hope. It hadn't been just a toy; it had been something that had taken her out of pain and placed her in a world of imagination. The tears fell now, dripping onto the doll in splotches. Rey clutched it close to her chest, grateful that a piece of her past, her resilience, was reunited with her. Minutes passed by as she cradled the doll, braced by the comfort it gave her. Then her thoughts fell back to the sudden appearance of the doll. How did it get here? Everyone on the base who knew her and where she was from had been present in the meeting today, making it impossible for them to have retrieved her treasure. That meant...

Ben.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Back at it with another chapter and another episode of Ben is Back (For Now)! Will Rey be mad? Will Rey be sad? Will Rey be glad? Find out next time on Hannah Montana!
> 
> As always, let me know what you think! I always appreciate the love!


	24. Ben

Kylo. He had done this for her. Instinct flashed in Rey's mind, reverting to her usual habit of trying to find a sinister reason for why Kylo did what he did. Was he trying to emotionally manipulate her? Was he trying to threaten her with her past? Was he maliciously encroaching in her childhood to get a rise out of her?

Every question was shot down immediately. The light in her knew his motivations weren't dark or evil. He had been to Jakku, that cursed planet. He had found her former home. He had seen the inside of her soul as reflected in the objects still left cluttered, abandoned in the AT-AT.

Ben.

This was who he was to her now. Not Kylo. Never Kylo. Rey could imagine him in her mind, dusting off the rough material of her Resistance pilot doll. His big, calloused hands laid bare without his gloves. She tried to picture a faint smile across his face, but it was difficult. Ben was always so sad, even in his anger.

He had done something truly good for her. The cracks in his darkness were starting to widen, to burst with light. Why was he still there? With the First Order? A tiny, irrational part of Rey wanted Ben's gesture to totally redeem him then and there. But she knew that journeys from dark to light weren't that simple or clear-cut. Her heart ached for him to be light. To be with the Resistance fighting oppression. To be with her. He may be on a path to the light, but he was not there yet. This was something he would have to do on his own. Pushing her sad thoughts away, Rey curled back into bed, tucking the doll under her arm and drifted off to the image of a pilot zooming across the galaxy.

Hours later, Rey was in the assembly room, surrounded by crew members dressed in orange. Today was the day. General Leia sat across from them all with a straight back and hands folded. The chatter ceased when she raised from her chair and cleared her throat to address the remaining Resistance.

"The day has come, everyone. In just a few minutes, we will be leaking the information to the First Order regarding the time and place of our last stand. We have all been working hard over the past weeks toward this goal, and I believe that we have the strength and tenacity to defeat the First Order once and for all. In two days, we will be landing on Vrogas Vas. In three days, our battle will truly begin. But first," Leia motioned to the crew member standing at a control panel, "we will deploy our intercept. If the information goes through, and our people on the inside do their job, our plan will be set in motion."

The crew member repositioned her headset and punched in the information along with the channel to be intercepted by the First Order. There was an uneasy silence as the crowd waited, whispering faintly to each other. Rey felt a squeeze at her shoulder and turned around in time to see Finn saddle up beside her. He shot her a wink, and they joined in the quiet. Her mind was buzzing with anxiety. This plan needed to work, because they didn't have another option. The Resistance couldn't sustain any more damage, or it would dissolve. Vrogas Vas was their last chance to make a dent in the Order and possibly take them out for good.

A small beep brought the crew members back into reality. The woman working the comms looked up from her workstation.

"Our people on the inside can confirm that the information was received by the First Order."

A smattering of applause echoed through the assembly room, with grim smiles plastered on many faces. This was good news, but a hard fight was ahead of them. Rey sighed with relief and faced Finn. Determination was written on his face.

"This is our chance to make a stand, so let's make it count, Rey. Only a few more sparring sessions left until you get to test out that fancy new saber staff of yours out on those First Order bastards. Let's go."

She gave him a curt nod and joined him minutes later in a clearing on the outskirts of the base.

\----

Rey bent over, resting her hands on her knees for support. Sweat coursed down her forehead in the midday heat. They had been training for hours now. She was beat. They had gone over every possible weakness, every possible mode of attack for confronting stormtroopers and their plasma weapons. And now she needed a break. Rey and Finn trudged towards the base, aiming for the mess hall where water would be plentiful. They found the air-conditioned room to be empty for the most part, with the occasional handful of technicians and pilots mulling about and grabbing a quick snack. Finn plopped down at a metal table, while Rey went and filled their canteens to the brim. They sat in comfortable silence taking in deep gulps of precious water. She was halfway through her canteen when the click-clack of General Leia's boots alerted them.

"There you are," the princess-turned-general called as she approached their table, "Finn, nice to see you. Rey, I've been looking for you."

"Oh, I'm sorry, we've been training in the clearing."

"It's okay," she gave a smile, "why don't you come with me? If you can spare your friend for a minute, Finn."

He nodded as Rey stood up from her chair and followed the general to her personal tent. Leia took a seat in her usual chair as Rey sat opposite. She knew what this was going to be about.

"How is my son, Rey?" Leia asked with a surprising gentleness.

"I have had...contact...with him a few times. Good and bad," Rey avoided her eyes.

"Well," the general said, settling further into her chair, "why don't you tell me about it?"

Rey was silent for a minute. How much was she going to tell Leia? She carefully launched into the story, editing out bits and pieces from some interactions. Like hell was she going to tell Leia about waking up with him in her bed. His arm around her waist. But Rey told her about the memories given to each other, the all-out fight, and finally his journey to Jakku to bring her back her childhood doll. She told the general about the darkness she saw in him, but more importantly the glimmers of goodness he had shown her. The real love he still possessed in his heart. Then it was quiet.

Leia sighed, smiling, "Ben is there. Slowly my son is coming back to me. Still, it may not happen. Events in the next few days will show whether my son is ready. Rey, you have supported Ben as much as possible these past weeks and I want to thank you for all of the compassion you have shown him."

Rey opened her mouth to interject, but Leia continued, "I know you may not feel like you have been a factor in changing him, and may not feel like you have changed him at all. But you have done your part and tried your best. From now on, it is Ben's decision whether or not to turn to the light, his home. He knows that I love him and that you love him too."

The scavenger's heart stopped.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Slowly but surely my chapters are getting a bit longer! Let me know what y'all think, Kylo is officially Ben now!!!! Leia's a mother that knows best and knows all!


	25. Bet

A garbled sound left Rey's mouth, the only answer she could possibly have for Leia's matter-of-fact statement. How could she possibly respond to that? She couldn't love Ben, could she? She cared for him, sure. More than just saving him, she painstakingly admitted. But love? Is this what it felt like? Her heart was constantly felt like it was being shredded in two, but she was constantly drawn to him. Despite his actions. In spite of her resistance.

"N-no, I-," Rey stuttered.

In the general's signature gravelly, feminine voice, she gently stated, "My dear, I may not be a Jedi, but I don't need to read your mind to know how you feel. When you talk about his light, your eyes spark. You have compassion for Ben, or else you would not have come this far with him. I have done the same because of the love I still hold for my son."

Leia held out her hand to grasp Rey's and implored her, "Let me show you."

Rey knew what she meant. The Jedi felt out with the Force towards an awaiting Leia, who had a memory floating at the top of her mind. She put one toe in, scared to jump into the memory of the most important leader of the Resistance. But she was sucked downwards, incapable of leaving if she wanted to.

The boy with floppy black hair was familiar. Ben. He couldn't have been more than eight years old. He hadn't transitioned to wearing the stark black clothes yet, so he had opted for a grey tunic and trousers. Rey looked at her surroundings. She was on a large platform overlooking a bustling city. The sun was bright and she could hear the sounds of people mulling below in the streets. But her attention was glued to Ben. And the big, furry beast standing opposite him. Chewie, she thought with a smile. They were both holding wooden sabers and circling each other.

"You're going down, Chewie! Prepare to eat my dust!"

Ben had a mock-serious look gleaming on his face, while Chewbacca grunted for the battle to begin. The little boy charged at the hulking mass of hair, absolutely fearless. Rey had never known Ben to be without fear. But in this moment, he was hurtling towards the Wookie with his long raven hair flopping behind him. Chewbacca humored the little boy, clashing wood saber against wood saber. Ben snuck in a poke of the saber to the Wookie's ribcage before he gripped Ben at the waist and slung him over his shoulder. Rey couldn't help but chuckle to see the future Supreme Leader dangling from Chewie's back, still valiantly trying to whack him with the wooden stick. She could hear Ben's cries of laughter, muffled by Chewbacca's fur as he hauled him into what must've been his home.

The scene shifted and blurred, and she was back, sitting in front of Leia. Rey looked over to the ever-strong general to see tears in her eyes mirroring her own.

"My son, he was so sweet, so gentle. But as Snoke infected him more and more, Ben was not able to keep the dark at bay. We feared what he would do, so Han and I sent him to Luke. Our distance pushed him away, further into Snoke's embrace. I will never forgive myself for what I did to my poor boy. I held him at arm's length instead of helping him and understanding him. But never doubt that I loved him. I still do."

Rey could hear the strain in Leia's voice from trying to contain her emotions. This had torn the mother's world apart. The scavenger gripped her hand harder, giving it a squeeze.

"We will fight for him. No matter what happened in the past, there is still time to fix what has been broken. Ben Solo is worth saving," Rey said, looking directly into Leia's eyes, determined and fierce.

She knew then in that moment, that yes, she did love him. That her determination to help and care indicated her deeply set feelings for this boy, this man. She could still see little Ben in her mind's eye howling with laughter while struggling against a stubborn Chewbacca. Ben Solo still deserved that love. And he had it, even if he didn't know it yet. Leia interrupted her train of thought with seriousness.

"My Ben is worth saving, you're right. But Rey, if you meet him on that battlefield, and he has not made his choice for the light...you must do what is necessary." Rey tried to object, but Leia continued, "This is the last chance for the Resistance. If my boy has remained with the dark side by next time you see him in person, we must fight for justice, for the oppressed, even if that means you must fight him."

"I cannot hurt him," Rey choked out, tears running freely now.

"I know, my dear. But it doesn't mean you can't subdue him. You are the only one powerful enough to do so. Once he is captured, we will be able to talk to him and show him how much we truly love him. I bet he won't enjoy the experience," she tried to give a laugh, "but I believe that through time, and especially now without Snoke's influence, he may come back to us."

Rey nodded, not sure what to say anymore. She wiped the tears from her cheeks with the back of her hand, playing the scenario over in her head. Would she be able to capture him? Was she completely sure that he wouldn't hurt her? If he was desperate? Surely not. He wouldn't hurt her before, and after the moments they'd had together, Rey was willing to bet he wouldn't now.

"This is a gamble, and a lot to think about. It's getting late and you need all the rest you can get. Why don't you just sleep on it tonight?" Leia gently offered.

Rey turned her head towards the opening of the tent to see that the sun had already set. She rose from her chair, still holding the general's surprisingly strong hands in hers. This was her moment to prove herself to the Resistance. She had already made up her mind. Looking down at the woman, the mother before her, Rey smiled. The gesture wasn't truly happy, but it was determined.

"No need. I will do what is necessary. For the Resistance, for us, for Ben."

Aided by Rey's strength, Leia stood up. She took a hand and cupped Rey's cheek, giving her a faint smile.

"If I had a daughter, I would have wanted her to be like you," she said, giving Rey a motherly kiss on the forehead. Tears reemerged as she let go of the general's hands and walked out into the moonlit night on Naboo.

Rey stopped by the mess hall to grab a quick snack before it closed. Smiling at her fellow members of the Resistance, she made her way back to her tent, illuminated only by starlight. This was where she belonged. She wasn't a little girl pining for her parents on Jakku. She wasn't lost anymore. She had people who respected her and loved her. Rey was home. With the Resistance, with Leia, with Finn, with Poe. With Ben.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They have a plan for Ben! Will it go according to plan? Probs not but I'm sure Rey'll try her darnedest! Cute mother/kinda-daugther moment with Rey and Leia I just wanted to sneak in there! Let me know what you think!


	26. Brief

She needs to talk to him. Ben. He went all the way to Jakku for her. He brought her childhood doll back for her. No one had ever shown her such kindness. Her life on Jakku had been a wasteland, void of any compassion from others. They would kick her down when she was weak and steal her most precious scraps. If she had successfully obtained food for the day, it was often stolen from her. Rey had to learn how to be independent and hardened towards others for her own safety. But here and now, this man had done something for her without any intention other than to return a treasure safely to its owner. If he had done so just to garner thanks or favor with Rey, he wouldn't have left so suddenly. Without a word. Just a flash in the night. 

Rey had to thank him. After her conversation with General Leia, her heart was bursting with love for this man who's light had been growing steadily ever since she met him. Their last interaction had been rough. He had said brutal things to her that cut her to the core. But wasn't it the way of the light to forgive others? To look towards their most beautiful qualities? The doll was his way of apologizing, his way of bridging the ravine he had carved between them during their last fight.

Sitting in her tent as the early morning rays of the sun slowly trickled in, Rey acted on a moment of compassionate impulse. She closed her eyes, focusing on the what his Force signature felt like. It had been like the ocean, with gentle currents keeping her afloat and cradling her. She combed through pinpricks of light, people that didn't hold a candle to the massive waves of energy that Ben constantly gave off. Finally finding her target, Rey ran toward it, pushing tendrils of the Force out to meet it and bring him closer. She tentatively tugged the bond closer and opened her eyes.

He was there. Ben must have anticipated her appearance because he was standing expectantly towards her. They were in his quarters. Every time she appeared there, Rey marveled at the lack of decoration, of personality throughout the room. Furniture was sparse and black. A few crumbling, ancient books sat on a plain bookshelf beside his standard-issue bed. Then there was Ben Solo himself. Anguish was written on his face. His dark eyes pleaded with her, and he bit his lower lip in anxiety. She could feel the maelstrom of emotions radiating off of him, bombarding and tangling in her Force signature. Her eyes locked on his.

"B-ben," she said taking a cautious step forward, decreasing the space between the pair. Why was she so nervous? Why was she shaking? Rey was rattled, looking at the man who had fought against her and who fought for her. Expressing herself usually came naturally, but in this case, she was caught up in her emotions and didn't know how to unknot them. There was a nervous glint in his eye.

Rey continued, "I w-wanted to thank--"

Before she could finish showing her gratitude, Ben shut his eyes as a tear crossed the threshold and trailed down his cheek. Then he was gone. He had disappeared across the bond, and she was left in her own tent. Shaken to her core.

\----

Ben had been scared. As soon as he saw her appear, he had panicked. Was she here about the doll? Did she think he had invaded her privacy? Did she believe it was part of a malicious act? Those thoughts were dashed as he looked down at her face. Her features were softened, such a stark contrast from the face of stone she had created during their previous encounter. It had been all his fault. He had tried to tear her down for his own sanity. It hadn't worked. 

Her eyes looked up at his, and he was reminded of the moment in the elevator when she had confessed her vision of his future. Of him turning. In that moment she had been so delicate and strong simultaneously. A flower that bloomed even in the barren desert. This was how she had seemed when she appeared to him moments ago. Rey's hair was messy, like she had just woken up. Like wanting to see him had bee the first thought in her mind that morning. His heart beat wildly, threatening to break out of the cage that was his chest. 

Then she had opened her mouth. That's when it all went to hell. Rey was thanking him? No, he couldn't take it; he still didn't deserve it. People like him didn't get that luxury, that privilege from people like her. She didn't even get to finish her sentence as he severed the image of her from the bond. As he sunk onto the bed, Ben realized that his cheeks were wet. Her simple action of thanking--or trying to thank--him had wrenched his heart. This scavenger, this Jedi, still cared for him. How? One meager attempt at making things right didn't redeem him. It didn't erase the hurt that he had caused her and this entire goddamn galaxy. He raised his gloves to his eyes to wipe away the tears there, reminded of her interaction with him in the rain. It seemed like eons ago. Before he had the promise of hope.

There wasn't time to mull on his brief interaction with Rey, because there was a buzz at the door. Ben walked swiftly to a switch on the wall, opening the large black door to reveal a surprisingly gleeful General Hux. Why was he so happy? Did he just come back from torturing some poor soul?

"Supreme Leader, we have intercepted a message from the Resistance. They are refueling on the planet Vrogas Vas in two standard days."

This was the first good lead the First Order had obtained in weeks. The general was practically jumping up and down with morbid excitement. 

"What do you suggest, Hux?" Ben replied, not bothering to pick a fight. He felt tired from his brief interaction with Rey. 

"We should arrive shortly after Resistance, surprising them at their weakest. They are so few in number that catching them while they are refueling at their most vulnerable will put a quick and permanent stop to this rebellion nonsense. Those fools will pay for the trouble they have caused. We will snuff them out for good," General Hux's grin was unnerving.

The residual darkness in Ben's heart rose up at the words. It howled at the foreseeable pleasure in watching his enemies fall before him. Before the light could peek through, the Supreme Leader responded with a smirk.

"Make the preparations."

General Hux bowed and swiveled on his heel, striding out the door and towards the deck. And Ben Solo was left to reap the consequences of his actions. His decision had been made in the darkness. Now looking at it in the light, he realized there had been no other choice but this. If he had rejected Hux's idea, it would have sown seeds of doubt in the general's mind. He would have guessed at reasons as to why Ben would possibly turn down an easy shot at the Resistance. Mind racing, Ben Solo pictured Hux planning a rebellion and staging a coup against his own Supreme Leader. No, this was the only option he had. 

He thought of Rey and guilt crept into his gut. He would have to fight her. Maybe he could turn her on the battlefield? Steal her away and convince her of the rightness of the First Order? No, he had been doubting that "rightness" for a long time. It had been building over the months. This iron grip on the galaxy, this murderous regime is not what he wanted. Ben Solo couldn't see a way out of being Kylo Ren.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come on now, Ben don't be rude let Rey finish her sentence! Featuring: Hux being sadistic and Ben realizing that his beliefs don't align with the First Order's!
> 
> Let me know what you think! Thanks for all the love!:)


	27. Busy

Rey sat down and tried to steady her breathing. She hadn't seen Ben in weeks. And this interaction--if she could even call it an interaction--hadn't been great. Disastrous was the best way to term it, Rey thought. Why had he seemed so frightened, so alarmed when she had tried to thank him? It was the least she could do for the lengths that he had gone to perform such a kind act. 

She closed her eyes to call back the memory of him standing in front of her. Even in Ben's fear, she realized how her heart pulled towards him. His mess of dark hair had been unkempt, as though he had given up on taming it. A whisper had clawed into Rey's mind, urging her to run her fingers through it. Thank the Force she hadn't listened. His scar traced diagonally down the length of his face. Didn't the First Order have the common medical supplies to completely heal the mark she had given him? The Resistance did, and they were significantly depleted compared to the galactic superpower. The wound should have disappeared, made invisible. Her eyes grazed over it in her mind, reminding her of the cold night on Starkiller Base. Involuntarily shivering, she shifted her mind to his eyes. Dark and wild in the dim light of his quarters. Rey wanted to give in and fall into them, into Ben. They had sucked her in, making her stutter like a fool in front of him. He had been scared, but then again so had she. Her inner confession of love the day before had altered how she interacted with him. Rey was more apprehensive. 

She reprimanded herself, whispering, "You survived Jakku. This is nothing compared to that."

But was love truly easier?

Rey never had relationships with anyone on her cruel home planet. There wasn't a whole lot of time for those sentimental feelings when she was fighting for survival every day of her life. She had received some advances from other scavengers, but her interest had never been peaked. Let alone her having love for someone. But now that her most basic needs had been taken care of here with the Resistance, it seems that her heart had opened up. For friends. For...Ben. Rey was still hesitant to admit to herself the love that she held for this man, the Supreme Leader. She was nothing if not stubborn. A prized quality for a scavenger.

She glanced at the chrono to find that it was getting late. They would be flying to Vrogas Vas early the next day. That in mind, Rey stretched up out of her sitting position on her bunk and walked over to a corner of her tent, changing into a long tunic. After going through her nightly bedtime routine of unwinding her hair from their signature buns and brushing her teeth, she crawled back into her bunk. Rey pulled the thick blanket around her body and let out a breath. She needed to calm her mind from the events of that day so she could get at least a wink of sleep.

Closing her eyes, she pictured the cliffs of Ahch-To. Small stalks of grass and patches of moss grew out of the rocky outcroppings while nests of porgs dotted the landscape, tucked into crevices that sheltered them from the fierce wind. Rey smiled at this memory. It was a peaceful one. A thought without conflict. She let the waves crashing against the cliffs and the howl of the wind take her into sleep.

\----

Rey was awoken by shouts and footfalls passing outside of her tent. She threw on a shirt and cropped pants from the meager pile of clothing in her possession and unclasped the canvas flap that served as the doorway to her tent. What she saw before her looked like pure chaos. The light of early morning cast lavender hues over the pilots, technicians and other crew members mulling about the base. Ships were being loaded with cargo as mechanics performed a last minute check of all systems aboard the x-wings. Today was the day.

The Jedi walked swiftly over to the mess hall, snagging a piece of fruit and a cup of caf. Rey dodged crew members threatening to upset her drink with their urgent business as she made her way down the passageway towards the general conference room. She swung open the doors, chucked the remnants of her breakfast in a bin, and looked at the crowd before her. Leia was busy at the center of the room, giving commands to harried assistants holding holopads full of data for the day ahead. The general must have sensed Rey's entrance into the chamber because she looked up from all the anarchy to give a thin smile and motion the girl over. 

"Rey, good to see you. We need some help overseeing the more novice technicians as they do the checks for our ships. A few people have mentioned to me that they are a bit," she put a finger to her chin, "'bumbling', I think was the word they used. If you report to Poe outside with the pilots, they will point you to any crew members that reported struggling with their tasks."

The scavenger gave a quick nod in confirmation and swiveled on her heel, heading back out into the passageway. Rey chugged the rest of her caf and deposited the mug back in the mess hall before exiting the compound. She spotted the roguish pilot from afar, his curls and dashing smile instantly recognizable. Rey trotted up to meet him at one of his ships.

"General's orders to help out with the technicians, sir!" She said, faking a salute.

"Alright Miss Jedi," Poe grinned and pointed over to a man with cropped blonde hair fiddling with wires, "Caysyn is having issues making sure the hyperdrive is connected. Mind giving him a hand?"

"No problem," Rey replied, and walked over towards the technician without a second glance back at the pilot.

"Need some help?"

Caysyn couldn't have been older than sixteen. He looked up at her with blue eyes and a defeated look on his face.

"Yes, please," he sighed in relief, "I've been trained, but it was such a crash course that I'm kinda fuzzy on some aspects the chief technician taught me."

"No worries, let me take a look and see what I can do," Rey smiled.

He shifted over to give her a better look at the panel as she leaned in to inspect it more closely.

\----

Rey had helped a few other technicians by the time Poe announced to the flight crew that takeoff would happen shortly. After helping a young woman reattach some cables, she wiped her grease-stained hands on her pants before heading off to the Millennium Falcon. She would be copiloting Han's old ship to Vrogas Vas with Chewie at her side. As she walked up the familiar ramp, a furry face popped out of the hatch, greeting her with a yell.

Rey smiled at the Wookie, replying, "I know, I know, Chewie, I was late because some crew needed my help. I hope you haven't been busy playing holochess instead of making the flight checks!"

At the scavenger's teasing remark, Chewbacca let out a protest. Amused, Rey rolled her eyes and made her way to the cockpit. She traced her fingers over the dusty walls of the passageways leading to the cockpit, drudging up memories of the smuggler who owned it. How many times did little Ben run down these corridors?

Rey pushed the question from her mind as she entered the cockpit, and took her place in the copilot's chair. The seat was scuffed with decades of wear, but she liked it that way. It had a worn-in, comfortable feel. She heard the metallic snap of the hatch closing, and minutes later a mass of fur plopped down in the pilot's chair.

"Alright Chewie, let's fly," Rey announced, punching in coordinates.

They shot into the sky, coordinating their departure with the other ships in tow. 

"To Vrogas Vas."

To Ben.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rey thinks Ben is hot! Rey is helping others! Rey is a badass! What else is new?
> 
> Let me know what you think! We're gearing up for the battle, slowly but surely!


	28. Base

As Chewbacca steered the Millennium Falcon towards the surface of Vrogas Vas, Rey peered out the window of the cockpit. The ground was pock-marked with small craters, evidence that this was once a battleground for a long-forgotten fight. She could see the scraggly sandstone rocks jutting out over every surface. In the distance, a metallic, gray structure was glinting in the light of the midday sun.

Chewie found a roughly level patch of ground and settled the Falcon on it, prompting the rest of the meager fleet to land close by. Eager to see and scout out the site of the impending battle, Rey rushed through the Falcon's corridors, flipped open the hatch, and punched in a code to deploy the ramp.

She squinted in the bright light, the scavenger's eyes adjusting from being cooped up in dark space for so long. A rough wind blew strands of Rey's hair out of her tightly wound buns. She walked down the ramp and surveyed the landscape before her. It was so barren, she thought. Life was nowhere to be seen. The rocky surface did not allow for any plants to flourish, resulting in a dusty, tan planet surface. To her right, she spotted the remains of a temple. The columns that held up what must have been a impressive building were cracked, broken, and strewn on the ground. The eroded forms of statues were visible from where she stood. Faces were weathered, and stone limbs had fallen off either due to the environment or the battle that must have waged here. Rey strode forward towards the rusty refueling towers that would now become the base of the Resistance. She prayed to every deity she could think of that they would make it off this rocky mess of a planet. This was their last chance.

Once the fleet had landed, the hustle and bustle of unloading cargo began. Being the only Force user besides the busy General, Rey helped float large quantities of blasters and other supplies up to the refueling base. Crew members were running to and fro moving equipment into the right places and organizing people into bunks for their brief stay. The ground crew that had been on Vrogas Vas for the past week set about briefing the general and her commanders on all progress that had been made with the restoration of the once-defunct shields of the base. Rey had thought chaos had reigned on Naboo, but this rush of bodies and equipment was a step above chaos entirely. On her way through the giant metal doors, she was knocked over by a cluster of well-meaning but distracted crew members hauling a large control panel into the main hall.

General Leia's assignment to Rey had been to assist in any recalibration or repair of equipment in the control room. She wound her way through the throng of people, having to ask for directions in the maze of corridors and passageways. Making her way down a flight of stairs, she found herself facing a set of large steel doors and pushed them open. The room was lit mostly by the fluorescent glow of the control panels and screens. Technicians were scattered across the room, some working in silence and others yelling across the room for various parts or expertise. A middle-aged woman with long silver hair stood in the middle of the pandemonium. Assuming she was the head technician, Rey approached her.

"Hi, General Leia assigned me to assist in the control room?"

"Oh, what's your name?" she replied with a look down at the holopad held close to her chest.

"Rey."

"Ah, okay I see you on my list," the technician replied, the bright lights of the screen illuminating the bags under her eyes. So much work. So many sleepless nights. After introducing herself as Rano, she walked Rey over to a dimly lit panel in the corner of the room.

"Can you set about powering up this system as well as coordinating with the others to help calibrate the shield to set around the base?"

"Most of my experience has been with technology from the old Empire, but I'm sure it can't be that different," Rey replied with a soft smile. Rano returned the expression before she was summoned by a beckoning technician covered in wires.

Rey crouched low to the panel, inspecting every inch before reaching into a spare toolbox, wrenching up the metal face, and diving below the surface. It was a tangle of dusty, multicolored wires, but it brought the scavenger back to her days on Jakku. There were many times she had to dig through sizable pieces of equipment to find just the right part she was looking for. All distractions from the outside world faded as she honed her mind on the task at hand. Rey was in her element, quickly twisting wires and deftly replacing metal cogs. In ten minutes, she had powered up the panel, asking a surprised Rano for yet another task to complete. Rey spent hours tucked into nooks and crannies of the room, efficiently reworking the technology until it sang under her touch. She only stopped when a commander entered the room, announcing a quick break for dinner. Rey stood up from her cramped position, stretching out her aching calves. The work had been a challenge, and it had been uncomfortable, but Rey smiled at her accomplishments. Tinkering would always be her first love.

She followed the weary group of technicians into the improvised mess hall. Rey spotted Poe, Finn, and Rose across the room. She ran over, embracing them.

"Hey hey hey," Poe said stepping back from the hug, "you need a shower. You look like you just rolled around with a couple of banthas!"

Rey brought a hand to her hair, feeling the dust and dirt that she had collected from sifting through the ancient technology downstairs. Rose beamed up at her, brushing away grime from her nose.

"You gotta little something there," she said. Then pointing to several other spots on her tunic and trousers, "and there. And there. And there."

Rey giggled and ruffled Rose's hair, "Come on guys, let's get in line for food. I don't know about you, but I'm starving!"

\----

Hours later, Rey retrieved her pack from the Millennium Falcon and trudged up the spiral staircase of a tower to find a place to sleep. She saw a flash of an orange pilot's suit and a mop of curly hair and followed Poe into the room.

"Welcome to your luxurious suite," Poe drawled, gesturing in a sweeping motion across the room.

It was a cramped space. Empty barrels of fuel lined the walls, and several other crew members had already set up camp in the room. Rey dropped her bed roll in the small empty space between a snoring Twi'lek and Poe. She settled down onto the mat, pulling a threadbare blanket up to her chest to shield her from the night air drafting in through a window in the tower.

"Good luck tomorrow," Poe whispered next to her. His usual cocky voice had been stripped of its pride and replaced with anxiety.

"You too," Rey mumbled before closing her eyes and rolling over onto her side.

The afternoon had been so long and full of work that Rey had not been able to contemplate the day that would come. Tomorrow. Tomorrow would be the do-or-die fight for the Resistance. Tomorrow, she would have to fight for her life. Tomorrow, she would see Ben Solo again. A wave of panic rose in her heart, threatening to break all the calm she was attempting to muster. She hadn't seen him in months. Well, she'd seen him, but not truly physically in person. Tomorrow would be different. Rey could feel it. She would have to fight Ben Solo. What if she couldn't capture him? What if he hadn't turned? What if he tried to kill her? What if someone got to him first? The questions swirling in her mind sent her spiraling into a panic.

But a small voice in her head whispered, "What if you are able to capture him? What if he does turn? What if the light prevails tomorrow? What if Ben Solo comes back to you?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey y'all!! Not a lot of Reylo at all in this chapter, I hope that's okay...I just needed to set up the base! Also in this chapter: REY BEING A BADASS TECHNICIAN LIKE SHE WAS BORN TO BE!  
> Let me know what you think!


	29. Believe

Early morning light filtered in through the rough-hewn window in Rey's room. She forced her eyes open and came face-to-face with a drooling Poe. He had apparently slept much better than her. The scavenger sat up on her bed roll and shoved her arms and legs out in front of her, stretching like a cat. Her hand shot up to her neck, rubbing the ache away from sleeping on a thin mat and a hard floor. Her AT-AT had been more comfortable, Rey mused. That wasn't the only reason she couldn't sleep, however. Her brain had frantically swirled with worries all through the night. No matter what position she tried sleeping or what meditative memory she attempted to conjure, it was no use. 

Rey rose off the floor, grabbing her jacket and arm wrappings. She might as well get an early start to the day. Careful not to wake the rest of the snoring crew, she quietly closed the tower door behind her as she tread lightly down the steps and into the main hall. Rey was still adjusting her arm wrappings when she nearly barreled over an unaware General Organa.

"Stars, I am so sorry, Leia," she said, looking over the general to make sure she had not inflicted any injury.

"No, no, child. It's okay. I may be old, but I'm more tough than you think," the princess replied, winking.

Rey released a sigh of relief.

"My dear, why are you awake so early?" the general questioned, her brow creasing.

"I couldn't sleep," she admitted.

"Me too," Leia said with a sigh and held out her hand, "come with me."

Rey grasped the hand offered, and the general led them out of the main hall's doors and into the grey morning of Vrogas Vas. Relying on her cane, Leia strode over to a mound of sandstone rock close by. The scavenger hoisted herself onto the rock, elevating herself a couple inches above Leia's frame leaning against boulder. It was quiet for a few minutes as Rey scanned the temple ruins in the distance, tangled up with shadows from the rising sun. 

"It was a Jedi temple," the general said, bringing Rey out of her trance.

"Long before you or I were born, the Jedi Order established this temple here. By the time my brother--your master--visited, it had become the crumbled mess we see today. All I know is that Luke had come here to learn more about the Order and the Force they had wielded. This base," Leia said, motioning behind her, "was built by the Rebel Alliance as a refueling station. During the Battle of Vrogas Vas, my father, who was Darth Vader at the time, crash-landed here. The Rebels put up a good fight, but ultimately had to abandon it."

"Oh," Rey replied, not sure how to respond. Leia's knowledge of even the most barren of planets was extensive. That must be the life of a politician: diplomacy and history. Not exactly a scavenger's strong suits, Rey thought to herself. The general turned away from the ruins to look up at her.

"We are doing what you did best in Jakku. We are taking something broken, and making it new again. This old Rebel base was decrepit and unusable, but just like your knack for fixing things, we see it and use it as our strength, not our weakness."

Rey felt Leia's hand come to rest on top of her own. She looked over at the general, who had a gleam in her eye.

"Rey, dear, love is not our weakness either. It is our strength. You may think that your love for my son will hurt you. It might. But your love--and mine--could make broken Ben Solo new again. I have hope in him, and that is what makes all the difference. Hope will save us all."

The Jedi looked down at the general, the mother of her love, and smiled as tears ran down her face, illuminated by the sunrise. She scrambled off the sandstone boulder and enveloped Leia in a hug. Her cane fell to the ground as she wrapped one arm around Rey while the other patted her hair gently.

"I believe in Ben. I do," Rey said through the tears, her voice muffled by Leia's now-damp shoulder.

The general released their hug to grasp Rey's hands.

"We must be strong, Rey. We have a battle on the horizon. And we always must fight for what we believe in."

The scavenger nodded, meeting Leia's eyes. She brushed away the tears with her newly fastened arm wrappings and put on the bravest face she could muster.

"Then let's go fight," the Jedi said defiantly as they turned towards the doors of the base. The Resistance awaited.

\----

For the next few hours, Rey was busy fixing small last minute technical malfunctions in the control room. However, when it was announced that the First Order fleet would be arriving in one hour, the scavenger panicked. She popped up from her work station, sweat materializing on her forehead and hands. The wrench dropped out of her grasp as the memory of Ben flashed in her mind. Rey quickly packed up the tool box, made a flimsy excuse to Rano, and bolted up to the tower. 

The room was empty and deserted, save for Rey's pack in the corner of the room next to a stack of rusty fuel funnels. She walked over to the bag and plopped down beside it. Ignoring the fact that she was sitting on grime collected through the decades, Rey crossed her legs and closed her eyes. She folded her hands into her lap and reached out the for the Force. It was running through the air like electricity around her and the base. It was as if it could sense the impending battle that was to take place too soon for Rey's comfort. She let her breaths steady her, rooting her body to the floor. Nudging the Force, she wrapped it around her, cocooning herself in the light and dark it gave off. The balance of the two. 

Rey let the Force invade her thoughts, but it recoiled when it hit conflict. Though her body was ready for this meditation, her mind had not been. She combed through all the questions in her mind, trying to sort them out and get back to meditation. Rey needed to follow the light side, not lead with her feelings. That was the way of the dark side. She thought of the pilot doll tucked in her knapsack beside her. No, she would have to shut out her feelings for Ben and focus on the task at hand. Once accomplished, then she would let herself feel again. This is how she would save what she loved. She would steel herself.

\----

He sensed her the moment they popped into the atmosphere of Vrogas Vas. Rey's Force signature burned bright against the muted glow of the other Resistance crew members. She was so close to him, and would be even closer soon. The First Order would be stationed up here for a while to ready the troops for departure. As he paced in his quarters, Ben Solo contemplated the battle ahead of him. He would see Rey for the first time in months. At the realization, his pulse quickened and he flexed his gloved hands. The Supreme Leader remembered the vision he had received upon touching her hand in the hut and again a couple weeks ago. Rey would be with him. The Force willed it to be so. 

Ben's pacing was useless, so he sat down on his bunk with his head in his hands. He stared at his boots, trying to focus on the scuffs and not on the memory of Rey's lips, her eyes, the way she said his name. Ben was scared. Not of the dark side. Not anymore. He was scared of what sentimental musings would burst from his mouth if he saw her again. What if he accidentally professed his love for her? He'd rather throw himself down the trash compactor. He'd rather be ensnared by a sarlacc for a thousand years than face his feelings. Ben didn't think he could take any more rejection. Especially hers.

Running a hand along his scar, Ben Solo looked up from his boots to find Rey sitting mere feet away from him. As she broke out of her meditation, their eyes locked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New chapter comin' atcha hot! Sentimental Leia/Rey convos AND Ben wanting to throw up because of love? Honestly my fave.
> 
> Let me know what you think! And also I'd just like to say I appreciate every one of your comments and kudos, it means the world to me! Y'all are amazing, go treat yourself to a slice of cake!
> 
> PS I have exams all week next week so I'm prepping for them now, which means that I probably won't be able to post until roughly March 16th-19th. Sorry guys...gotta pass my exams, I hope you understand!:)


	30. Brace

This wasn't supposed to happen. They were supposed to meet on the battlefield. Rey wasn't prepared to see his face so soon. The bags under Ben's eyes were darker than ever. Was this a struggle for him as well? Was this an external sign of his internal fight for the light? Rey didn't get her hopes up. He might have been up these past nights immersed in strategic talks with his generals.

Rey hopped up, seeing that Ben hadn't moved from his position on the bunk. Her conversation with Leia in mind, she braced her mind for the conversation to follow and the battle ahead. The scavenger tried to push the memory of their last, brief meeting out of her head and focus on the task at hand. Rey had to seem tough; she couldn't reveal her true emotions. How her heart beat violently against her chest when she met his dark eyes. It was as though she had climbed perilously up an ancient, rickety starship in the graveyard on Jakku and lost her footing. Seeing him was falling from that scavenging perch into the dark abyss below her. She didn't know if the ground would embrace her, cushion her fall. Or kill her. Ben was the ground. That unknown patch of sand she was hurtling towards. Rey wanted to trust, to believe it would catch her fall. Rey reminded herself to take a deep breath.

"Why are you here?" she questioned, forgetting to erase the accusatory tone.

Ben stared at her for a moment, as if taking all of her in. Rey could feel his deep brown eyes skimming the contours of her face.

"I didn't do this," he murmured softly.

"Well," she said forming the most defiant expression she could muster, "this is the perfect time to surrender before you are met with the power of the Resistance. Let's not prolong the inevitable," Rey said with a smirk.

Ben's eyes were directed down towards his boots but she heard the ghost of a chuckle escape from his mouth. He slowly raised his head to meet her glaring eyes. His hair was disheveled, adding to his crazed appearance. He was trying to evoke Kylo Ren. Trying to revive his old persona.

"You are sadly mistaken, Jedi."

He stood up, raising to his full, towering height. A couple steps forward and he was inches from her rigid body. Why was he doing this? Her heart pleaded for him to return to the light, to be with her. Was it too late?

Rey had to crane her neck to meet his gaze. As she locked eyes with him, a jolt of electricity ran though her, strengthening her connection to the man she had long ago sworn was an enemy. For now, she had to pretend. Pretend she didn't want to reach out and grasp at the warmth Ben's hand gave. Pretend she didn't want to run her fingers along the scar she had given him and whisper an apology in his ear.

Instead, Rey countered, "Maybe if you weren't as stubborn as your father, you would remember that the dark is not yours to wield. You do not belong there. But you refuse to acknowledge the truth, no matter how plainly it appears to you! When we meet again in battle, I know that I will be the one to strike you down, just as I have before. This is your fate. This is our fate."

Any train of thought was cut off my the tickle of his breath on her face as he finally spoke again.

"The Resistance," Ben said leaning dangerously closer, "will fail."

Rey sucked in a sharp breath. He was so near that each wisp of an eyelash was visible. The curve of his lips as they spoke those damning words threatened to render her brain useless.

"You," he said, nose centimeters from hers, "will fall."

With those words, she stepped back to prevent him from seeing her mental and physical strength flicker. Ben smiled cruelly, as if knowing this secret, and swiveled around to return back to his bunk.

"No, I won't."

\----

He lifted an eyebrow in curiosity. Why had he always foolishly assumed that Rey wouldn't bounce back. That she would resist failure and the dark as long as she lived. If the scavenger thought he was stubborn, she should go take a look in his 'fresher mirror. The resilience that thrived in this woman gave Ben a surge of unexpected pride. The woman he cared for would never give up on the light or hope. Or him, he believed. As much tenacity that she was giving off currently, he knew that when it came down to it--to the looming battle--that she would not hurt him. Just as she knew that he would not hurt her. It was an unspoken pact that neither wanted to admit to. Neither wanted to admit weakness for the other, and, Ben mused, it could be their downfall.

"We'll see if you can prove it in battle today. Will you kill stormtroopers just as you killed Snoke's guards?" Ben smiled, "I don't think you want to admit the answer to yourself. You feel the pull, the bit of dark inside you. I feel it too."

Rey lifted her chin to rebuff his accusation, "I will do what is right as a Jedi and as a member of the Resistance."

The way she threw her arms in the air out of exasperation made him want to laugh. He annoyed her. Good. Because she annoyed him. Rey's left arm wrapping had come undone during their argument and it frustrated him that Ben wanted nothing more than to reach over and fix it. Wanted nothing more than to wrap his arms around her and tell her this was all a joke. But it wasn't. This battle was real. It was happening. And there was no way they could avoid one another in the midst of the fight.

Straightening the belt around her waist, Rey cleared her throat.

"When I next see you, I will not hesitate."

Her eyes shut as she disappeared from his quarters.

\----

Rey opened her eyes back in the lofty tower room to the sound of blaring sirens. They were here. She flew down the winding steps and into the main hall of the base. Double-checking to make sure her saber staff was clipped in to her belt, the scavenger made her way to a group of generals with holopads giving orders. An aging, red-haired man directed her to lead a group of fighters assigned to ground crew. She gulped at the prospect of ushering these men and women into battle. Had they fought before? Did they have children left behind on their home worlds? Husbands and wives with teary goodbyes? Scanning their faces, she could detect nerves rising in each of their faint Force signatures. At first, they regarded Rey as a member of their own. However, upon glancing at her saber, they realized who she was.

She straightened up and addressed the twenty people under her command, "Today is the day. This is what we have been training for these past weeks and months. The end of the First Order is here. People on planets all over the galaxy stand with us in our fight for freedom. I may not have the same training as you, but I believe that the Force is flowing through each of us and will guide us to victory."

Rey closed her eyes and sent tendrils of the Force to meet each signature, linking them into one unit. She visualized the Force using them together as a force for the light. Opening her eyes, she saw her crew gaping at her with wide eyes. Most of them were feeling the power of the Force for the first time.

"What you feel now is the Force within you. You may not always sense it, but remember it is always working with you and for you. We are united under the Force, and today I rely on it to work as hard as I can for the Resistance. I hope you will too."

Her words were met with nods and murmurs of agreement. Thank the Force she didn't choke, Rey thought.

"With that said, let's set out a game plan."

Rey spent the rest of their available time before the impending battle outlining their strategy. Using her scavenger background, her team was tasked with eliminating stormtroopers by surprise. They would stay on the outskirts of the battle using the rough and sandy terrain to their advantage while taking out stormtroopers from rocky outcrops. After making a hole in the legion of troopers, they would descend on the main source of the fight, regrouping with other Resistance crews to form more of a brute strength maneuver to force them back.

The first part of the plan was solid in Rey's mind. She would be using a relatively familiar landscape to her benefit. However, she knew that when she regrouped with the rest of the Resistance forces, her confrontation with Ben would begin. She hoped General Leia was right about her son. For all of their sakes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, I'm back again! I am so sorry this chapter is coming so late. I flew home for my spring break and got caught up relaxing with my family. But I hope I made up for it with this chapter! I was trying to portray the romantic tension and the fake hatred they have for each other.
> 
> Next up: BATTLE TIME!
> 
> Thank you so much for sticking with my story, I really appreciate all the views, kudos, and comments! It makes my heart happy!:)


	31. Blast

It had begun. 

Rey could see First Order AT-ATs in the distance stomping their way ever-closer to their meager Resistance base. Other legions of ground troops trotted over to their freshly-built bunkers to start their assault on the masses of Stormtroopers being deposited by airlifts behind the AT-ATs. As laser fire erupted on the First Order side from mechanical canons, the crew in the bunkers returned the favor, releasing deadly bolts of bright color. This was Rey’s signal to start her team’s mission. 

From an alcove along the left side of the base, she motioned for the gaggle of soldiers to join her along a craggy jumble of sandstone. Unburdened by anything but her saber staff and a small pistol, Rey lead the way swiftly forward with her gun-laden crew in tow. By skirting the main field of battle, they were able to trek unnoticed towards their enemy combatants. The rocky surface they cautiously hid behind began to incline, putting them steadily higher and higher than the First Order troopers to their right. The walk became a climb as Rey and her team scaled the rocky outcrop to gain the high ground. In Jakku, the scavenger had scrambled up the sides of various starships much steeper than this to gain the most precious pieces of junk to trade. Her grip on the rocks was solid as she trusted her muscled legs to push her to the next safe ledge. However, her counterparts were less lucky. 

The crewmembers, she assumed, came from different backgrounds, many planets. They tried their best to match Rey’s nimble movements but were just not as practiced as the scavenger. As they made their way closer and higher, Rey interjected often to give a helping hand up or use the Force to lift the heavier of the male crewmembers to safety. She never left a soldier to struggle on their own, checking in with each of them to make sure they weren’t injured from the jagged rocks or too tired to keep moving. Each time they gave a nod in assurance as they tried to contain their labored breathing.

Once they were safely tucked away high in the rocky landscape, Rey wiped her dirt-encrusted hands on her dark trousers and then reinforced their plan of attack.

“Alright everyone, remember: the goal is to pick off as many Stormtroopers as you can while avoiding any attention from those hulking pieces of AT-AT garbage. So, pick a platoon of troopers and start aiming sporadically among them so as to not alert their lieutenant. If we do our job right, they will believe that they are just being attacked by the Resistance in front of them, and we will remain undetected. Got it?”

Rey looked around to see curt nods and murmurs of affirmation. She unclipped her pistol from its belt and gave them a grim smile.

“Let’s get in position and show the First Order who’s boss.”

Her crew began shuffling along the outcrop, finding sizable portions of sandstone to crouch behind in the rocky cliff face. Rey took her place at the rear of a boulder large enough to hide her body.

In a voice barely loud enough for her crew to hear, she shouted, “May the Force be with you.”

With that, Rey knelt down, flipped a switch on her gun and steadied it on her knee. This was her chance to make a difference for the Resistance. She had to make each shot count. Gathering the Force around her, she detected the faint signatures of the troopers down below. Rey picked one randomly to hone in on. Taking a deep breath, she reminded herself that this was for the Resistance and that even a fight for the light had casualties. Her finger danced over the trigger, scared to make such a permanent move in a life that wasn’t hers. Then she pulled. Below her, Rey saw a trooper in glossy white armor collapse to the ground as his fellow soldiers moved unflinchingly forward. How had it been so easy to kill Snoke’s guards? This was harder. 

Around her, the Resistance members were picking off troopers one by one. The platoons on the ground were being weeded out with no lieutenant the wiser as to who had done the deed. Rey focused on the task at hand and joined her fellow crew in the assault.

They had been working for the better part of an hour to thin out the ranks of Stormtroopers when shots began to hit the rocky surface of their hideout. They had been discovered. She looked down to see three troopers being directed by an officer to aim in their general direction. Rey’s protective instincts rose over all other emotions when a woman in their company was almost nearly caught in the troopers’ fire. It had missed her leg by inches. The Jedi’s anger boiled over as she amassed the Force around her like a harsh wind and sent all four of the First Order members soaring into the air and against a cluster of boulders. Their bodies made a crunch that Rey wished she hadn’t heard as she turned her attention back to the bewildered platoon. Now the First Order had been alerted to a Force user not unlike their own Supreme Leader. Rey sensed their panic as they began shooting at the source of the “wind”, peppering the Resistance’s patch of boulders with laser fire. Her crew returned fire, but it was too late. An officer below must have alerted a lieutenant in an AT-AT, because all of a sudden, one of the mechanical beasts turned its cannons towards their small patch of safety. 

“WATCH OU--“, Rey’s scream was interrupted by a deafening blast.

She was too late. The cannon had been fired. An entire chunk of the rock face had been carved out. Along with her crew. She could see at least six of her soldiers crushed among the rubble. Their limbs were pinned down by sandstone. The Jedi screamed in horror as she ignored all First Order fire to use her abilities to lift the rocks off of her fallen comrades. It was no use. The blast and subsequent fall of heavy boulders had killed at least half of her crew. A tear tracked its way down her cheek, becoming muddy from the sandstone dust scattered through the air.

This needed to end. 

Shouting to her remaining crewmembers, Rey decided to lead the rest of her Resistance team down the rocky slope to reunite with the rest of their force. The cover of rocky crags and boulders had been blown, and the only good that Rey could do was take her survivors away from the carnage. Only to engage in more bloodshed on the ground, she thought as her heart fell into her stomach. As Rey ushered her crew down the steep slope, she paused once more to look at the mess the First Order had made of her newly-found friends. 

Rage welled inside her. She could at least make the damned AT-AT pay for what it had done. Focusing all her power on the weapon, the metal of the cannons began to warp and twist. A sweat broke out on her forehead, dripping into her eyes, but Rey ignored it. With a snap, the cannons broke, their hollow metal crushed together. Unaware of the weapon’s uselessness, the AT-AT still attempted to fire on the Resistance. However, the bolts, restricted by their now-sealed canons, exploded, rupturing the cruel metal beast from the inside. Rey turned back to head down the slope as the flaming AT-AT fell to the ground, crushing white-armored troopers under its weight.

The Jedi joined her fellow troops scrambling down the rocky hillside, using bursts of the Force to cushion any falls made in the hasty attempt to join their peers on the battlefield. They returned to the small alcove on the side of the base to regroup before the fight. The Resistance crew was ragged. Many had scraped and cut themselves on their descent back to solid ground, resulting in bloodstained clothing and torn jackets and trousers. They may have lost their fellow crewmembers and gotten a little roughed up on the way, but Rey detected tenacity and resolve in their faces as they turned to face her.

“We’ve lost crew. But the time to mourn is not now. No matter what happens, we will go into that battle fighting the good fight. Fighting for what is right. We are fighting for the children whose parents have been lost to war. To give them a better life than the one they were born into. The Resistance is there for those who have been abandoned and left to fend for themselves in a galaxy that is cruel and harsh. We are fighting for a place that people can flourish and love and experience peace for the first time in their lives. This is why we fight. This is what today is for.”

“May the Force be with you,” a woman piped up in the back. She had never spoken much, but lifted her chin in pride as she spoke the words.

Rey smiled, straightened up, and said in the strongest tone she could muster, “And also with you.”

She turned to the battlefield, already strewn with bodies, smoke, and fire. Here in this place of destruction and chaos, the light would rise from the ashes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Here’s a quicker update than the last chapter! Just a Battle Rey TM doing her Battle Thing TM. She is such a great leader, even when everything seems to be falling apart. I mean come on! She took down an entire AT-AT with basically her evil eye. I love her! Tune in for the next chapter where we get the battle from Ben’s point of view!


	32. Battle

Ben took in deep gulps of air, choking on the dust that had flown up around his squadron. Looking over at the source, he saw one of their AT-ATs collapsed on the planet's rocky surface. Its cannons had been twisted in knots as if by giants. Rey. Only Rey could have done that. Despite Ben's current allegiances, a bolt of pride ran through his body at the power that she could and did wield. She was unstoppable.

"Sir!" a trooper called out.

The Supreme Leader realized he had stopped in his tracks, distracted from the battle. His company had come to a halt behind him wary of what their next order would be. Ben blinked, breaking the trance and turned his attention back to the troopers. He reached deep into the well of anger housed inside his heart to draw inspiration to continue the fight. It was shallower than before. Brushing the errant thought aside, he addressed his company.

"Most Resistance squadrons seem to be coming at us directly. I'll take the middle; you fan out beside me, going for the edges of each group that approaches us. Am I clear?" Ben glared at the white reflective masks of his legion, trying to strike fear of failure into their bodies.

Short "yes sir"s of affirmation echoed back to him. Nodding, he turned again to the battlefield and broke into a sprint.  
\----  
The blazing red lightsaber crackled in response to the impact of laser fire. As Ben approached the enemy ranks, he almost lazily deflected the shots of Resistance fighters. A soldier broke out from the group, feeling brave enough to confront the Supreme Leader with only a blaster in hand. He had made a grave mistake. With a yell, the Resistance member fired his weapon, but the bolt stopped inches from the blaster end. With the deadly bright shot wavering, Ben stepped forward, black cape flapping behind him. A slight breeze blew his dark hair away from his eyes as he reached into the well again. A meager drop of anger boiled to the surface. Where was his unlimited supply he had constantly drawn from throughout the years?

Ben looked into the eyes of the doomed man in front of him and knew what he had to do. With a push of his hand, he guided the bolt with the Force. The deed took only seconds. The soldier's eyes glassed over as he crumpled to the ground. The satisfaction in death that Snoke had bred within him was nowhere to be felt. That revelatory beast was dormant. Sleeping. Instead, a new creature had curled into his stomach. It was faint, but he could detect what it was. He had felt it before: Guilt.

He stepped over the body, the deflected fire from Resistance members now in much closer proximity. With a clenched hand, Ben took hold of the tendrils of the Force around him. His hand jerked up, prompting helpless enemy soldiers meters away to be thrown up into their air, and land on their fellow troops. He repeated the action, this time holding the enemy in the air long enough for his stormtroopers to fire on them before letting them fall back to the earth. The strategy was working: They blew through the ranks of soldiers, creating a pocket in their defenses.

Was he the Supreme Leader? Yes. Was his goal to defeat the Resistance? Yes. Wasn't it supposed to feel good crushing the enemy underfoot? Yes. Unfortunately, Ben thought, this wasn't the reality. Something had changed. That creature, that guilt had reared its ugly head. He had killed before, so what was his problem? Goddamn it, Rey. It seemed that she had invaded every part of him. Punched cracks in the darkness; let small shards of light through. Ben had to get through this battle. He assured himself that the people doing the actual killing were the stormtroopers. He was just rendering the enemy immobile. He wasn't giving the death blow. With an exasperated huff, the Supreme Leader accepted his feeble attempt at rationalization and unclenched his fist, dropping lifeless bodies to the rocky surface below.

Soon enough, new Resistance soldiers filed in, bearing not blasters but plasma staffs. They must have had interplanetary financial assistance for those, Ben mused. Game for some real action, he took his fighting stance as they approached him. Something in him glowed at the clash of saber against staff. With a wild grin, he began his deadly dance. These troops were no match for him. Not when he had come up against her. But in lieu of the Jedi, he would take on these men. With a few swipes at each, Ben was able to disarm and injure most with ease.

When a larger man lumbered up, the Supreme Leader wiped the sweat from his brow and measured himself up against an enemy seemingly more adept than the last few. He dug his feet in to the rocky soil for more stability and impatiently struck out with a swipe of his saber. The Resistance soldier parried the strike comfortably. Ben made a mental note of his enemy's relative skill as he blocked an overhead blow. Plasma staff was met with the red sparks of his own weapon as he pushed forward to gain more ground. With a grunt, the soldier ceded territory, leaving Ben a chance to pull back and swipe low. The man let out a howl as the saber burned through part of his shin. Ben smiled. Now that his enemy was blindingly mad, he would make more mistakes of that nature. Seconds later Ben was bombarded with strike after strike from the plasma staff, blocking the messy advances easily before making a few more efficient ones of his own. Seeing a hole in the bulky man's defenses, Ben lunged forward, striking at the torso for a fatal blow. His saber hit its mark, silencing the great beast forever.

Ben was alerted to a burning sensation on his hip, looking down to realize that a stray blaster bolt had made a significant dent in the skin there. Trying to block the stench of singed uniform and skin from his nose, he turned his attention to the onslaught of Resistance troops always moving forward to take the last ones' places. As Ben fought, smoke curled around him, making his eyes itch and nose water. Through the daze and din of dust and blaster fire, he spotted a beam of blue light. It couldn't be anyone else. It had to be her. Immediately immobilizing the soldier he had been locked in a fight with, Ben focused on the Force surrounding him and picked her out of the chaos. Rey. He would know her signature anywhere. His heart leapt in his chest as his limbs began moving of their own accord. Grasping the Force around him, the Supreme Leader leapt past enemy soldiers, blasting them out of his path with a bat of an eye. He entered a clearing. The only thing separating Ben Solo and Rey of Jakku was meters of scorched earth. She was locked in combat with one of his stormtroopers, but that was easily dealt with. Ben threw his own man against an outcropping of rocks with the Force. Rey glanced around to find the source of her savior, only to lock eyes with the Supreme Leader of the First Order.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I'm so sorry this is such a late update, I've been working on my masters dissertation simultaneously, so I've had to figure out how to juggle everything! But better late than never! We get Battle Ben in this chapter! Let me know what you think, I'm very interested to see what y'all have to say! Thanks for sticking with me, it'll be worth it!


	33. Bold

There he was. Dark hair plastered to his forehead with sweat. Eyes gleaming, even from such a distance. Breathing heavily, as if it had been a labored journey to arrive at the spot. Ben Solo. His homemade saber was gripped in his right hand, sparks flying and lighting the smoke around them a bright red. Rey's heart was no longer in her chest. She felt as though it had been ripped out, still-beating, and thrown to the ground. She didn't want this: to confront him. The Jedi had actively been avoiding the Supreme Leader's Force signature in the distance for the better half of the battle. She knew she had a job to do. A mission. But, scared at the reaction she might have around him, Rey put it off, opting to carve up the ranks of Stormtroopers instead. It had been successful until this moment. He was here. In person. It was the first time she had been in his presence since his fateful plea on the Finalizer. So much had changed since that moment. Rey had grown to love this man, who stood unmoving from the patch of ground where he had thrown her trooper combatant against the rocks.

But she couldn't. The time had come for her to complete the task asked of her by his own mother. Fight, subdue, and capture. Rey wasn't able to erase those feelings, those emotions, but she had a job to do. Locking any amorous thoughts of Ben Solo into a small corner of her brain, she focused on the Supreme Leader in front of her. It was her time to do her duty for the Resistance, her adopted family. Rey closed her eyes, taking in shaky breaths. She could do this. A beam of blue shone bright through her eyelids as she flipped on Luke's saber, her saber. Opening her eyes again, tuned out the din and the smoke of battle. She only saw him. It had to be now.

Rey broke out into a sprint, heading straight for her supposed enemy, Ben Solo. Saber staff thrashing, she zeroed in on her target. Her steps were heavy with the weight of the task, but she pushed on, still so far from him. Across the clearing he hadn't moved. Why wasn't he moving? Why wasn't he fighting? Confusion hit her brain at the same time her staff bucked in her grip. She tightened her hand around the center. Was he doing this? Was he trying to manipulate the saber to slice her in half? Why would this be his route to her defeat? In the middle of her conflicting questions and sprint across the clearing, the saber shot from her hand, still lit, across the field. Towards Ben Solo with an outstretched arm. The twin beams flew to his hand, as Ben looked down at the weapon and flipped a switch, extinguishing the lightsaber. Now he was in for it. Rey shrieked in rage as the Supreme Leader pocketed her saber.  
\--  
With only a few feet of space between Ben and the Jedi barreling towards him, he reviewed his recent brash actions. He couldn’t have helped it. As soon as he saw her, he knew he couldn’t fight. Emotionally defenseless against her, all he could muster from the Force was a quick grab of her saber, now gently held in his hand. Rey was rushing towards him, coated in a layer of sweat from deftly defeating her enemies. Her hazel eyes were blazing, demanding all of his attention. Panic raced through Ben’s system. What was he going to do when she finally got toe-to-toe with him? His feet seemed welded to the ground, unable to move an inch. 

“Ben Solo!” Rey’s rage electrified her yell.

She was here. In front of him. As soon as the Jedi got in reaching distance of him she raised her fists in the air and attempted to bring them down on his chest. He could tell she was flustered, confused as to why he took her lightsaber. Minimizing what would have been a fair fight. 

Now was not the time for thinking, for making rational decisions.

He stepped forward, wrapping his hands around her now familiar waist, squishing balled fists against his chest in the process.

Now was not the time for thinking, he repeated. 

Before he could convince himself not to, he lowered his head and captured her lips in his.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's been so long again since I have posted! But this is a quick, short one, and its pretty fitting that I'm in Paris posting this right now, since IT FINALLY HAPPENS!!!! Tell me what you think about the chapter, did you love it? Did you expect it? This is what I've had in mind all along, but I've been scared to upload this part because of people's negative reactions to it. But if y'all have any constructive criticism, I would love to hear it! I love y'all!
> 
> PS Thank you for all of your lovely comments! I will be responding to them tout suite!:)


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